a day at the beach

summer came to seattle for a few days. 
by a few, i mean 2. 


on monday it was so warm and beautiful that my friend heidi and i
took our littles to the beach. it was the first time maggie had ever been - and she loved the sand!! i am so excited to spend many more days there, you know, when seattle decides its summer again. 

maggie pearls swimsuit// target

 

the post about disneyland that took me 3 days to write.

i know friends. i promised blog posts. i promised pictures. i promised stories. and i think i even promised recipes. what i didnt know was that our car was going to break down - and that being at home with a crazy toddler was going to prevent me from blogging, not to mention i have been so tired from all the emotional stuff that has gone on with me since our fun little disneyland trip. 


i'll start by saying that our trip started off really awesome, but a little bit stressful. i guess flying makes me nervous - well not really the flying part, but the getting through security part. once that was over we were having so much fun just being with each other - on our first non pregnant non baby trip since our honeymoon almost 3 years ago. 


our plane boarded and we settled into our seats, waved goodbye to the rain in seattle and headed out on our adventure. 

we have family that lives less than 30 mins away from disneyland, adn they were so super gracious to pick us up at the airport, let us stay in their room in their house, and made it possible for us to use one of their cars. it was a HUGE blessing. we woke up on sunday morning, packed our things from their house, and headed to church - it was so fun to check out mars hill orange county! i wanted to take more pictures but it was so dark in the theater that i couldnt - plus i didnt want look awkward. so this is all i got. 

its a sad little photo. i know. moving on.
we went straight from church to disneyland. and we got into a silly little argument over where to eat and when to eat. {so dumb - and so my fault} SO we ate lunch and were in way better moods when we reached the front gate. i seriously almost cried. i was so excited to be crossing this off our list, so excited to be in my favorite place ever, and so excited to be on vacation with my husband - alone, not pregnant and baby free for the first time since our honeymoon nearly 3 years ago. it was glorious. 

i love this.

beautiful, wonderful castle.

one happy lady {checking in on facebook. ha ha}

his very first time at disneyland!

this boy's hair was too incredible to not take a photo of.  am i right?

best roller coaster ever

happily ever after.

the worst part of our entire trip. {and i am not just saying that cuz my face looks awesome.} oh.my.

my favorite place.

my strong husband.

you have to kiss at disneyland - especially when its decorated for valentines day.

my favorite person, my favorite place, my favorite holiday.

take a moment to look at my husband who is making the best face ever. and not on purpose. HA HA.

what a catch, that man of mine.

SO - we ate yummy food, had such fun, laughed and then something kinda awful happened. i convinced my husband to go on splash mountain with me {even though he didnt want to go for many different reasons..} and while we were on that wonderful ride, a gallon of water came rushing into our log boat, soaking me and filling up my purse. which would not have been a problem if my brand new video camera and my cell phone would not have been in there. :( it kind of put a hold on all the fun - but we did have a good time, even though all those things happened. i have so much more to share - i have so much more to talk about, but it has taken me nearly 3 days to write this silly post, blogger would not upload my photos. so i am going to post this , and write more about our disneyland trip when i feel a little more shiny and happy. maybe tomorrow. maybe this weekend. but soon. i promise. 

a walk in the park

today we woke up to some beautiful {but cold} sunshine. 
i sent a text to my friend, heidi, about going to the park at some point. so, after naptime we headed to their house, ate some lunch & played a bit before heading out to the park. 

i bet you can tell what picture i did NOT take. 

maggie seriously loves heidi, her husband justin & their sweet little ones, DP and E; but the girl has a serious soft spot in her heart for DP. there is not another soul her makes her laugh the way that he does. he is such a good protector of her and i am thankful she has such a special little boy to be her friend. they played on the rock walls, and swings together, and i took maggie up and down the slide 25 times {at least}. she loves the park. we spent the last part of our time taking a nice long walk. and maggie walked pretty much the entire way. she had the most fun. 
i just love the picture that heidi took of them walking together. i think it needs to be framed and put in maggies room. 


now, i am just sitting drinking some tea while the little lady takes a nap all the while planning on what i am going to wear on my date tonight. today is a great friday. 

surrender

Source: bottomlessbellybutton.tumblr.com via Rebecca on Pinterest

i have been asking God to give me a word to focus and pray on in 2012, and last night after a giant blow up, He did.

surrender

the dictionary defines the word as:

" to yield the the power, control or possession of another upon demand"

i desperately need to surrender my life to Jesus.

last night, nick & i had an argument. okay, it was a full blown fight that started as a few tiny frustrations in my heart. those frustrations stemmed from unmet expectations and from me feeling so out of control, so tired, and so over all areas of my life. not just a little tired, but empty tired. do you know the tired i am talking about?

i cried over my kitchen sink to Jesus, admitting to him that i no longer trusted him to be in control. that i felt like i had a much better handle on my life. that i didn't feel him or want him or trust him. as i let the hot tears fill my sink i was crying out to be saved from my own death, a death that i was causing for myself. 

i told my husband that i wanted, i needed to be rescued, that i longed to be saved. he lovingly reminded me that i have been. i just needed to open my eyes and see it.

the past few months i have really let my relationship with Jesus slide. i have actually lost my Bible multiple times because it had been so long since i had opened it. sure, i prayed every day, but only really had heartfelt prayers when i 'needed' to. i would feel conviction and push it down - too proud to deal with it. and then last night it all blew out of me like a cork in a bottle of champagne. it blew up and lots of ugly bubbled out with it. and then it settled, and then i felt deep, heavy, guilt. and i feel those pesky feelings of depression sneaking back in. 
nick sat down and read these verses to me, {Ephesians 4:17- 30}

 

    [17] Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. [18] They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. [19] They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. [20] But that is not the way you learned Christ!—[21] assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, [22] to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, [23] and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, [24] and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
    [25] Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. [26] Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, [27] and give no opportunity to the devil. [28] Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. [29] Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. [30] And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
   
(Ephesians 4:17-30 ESV)  

i was so convicted. i have been acting as a gentile. i am darkened in my understanding,i have alienated myself from the life of God, and i have the hardest most calloused heart i could imagine. OH, but then came the hope. 

[20] But that is not the way you learned Christ!—

those words are so sweet to this bitter heart. the passage goes on to talk about the old and the new self. i confessed that i had taken off that beautiful new self to put back on my filthy rags.

 BUT THAT IS NOT HOW I LEARNED CHRIST!!!

i learned that the truth was in Jesus, but i abandoned it for the lie that i could do it all on my own.

this sweet husband of mine prayed over me and my desperate heart and this morning i woke up with a new mind. a heart full of repentance for the words i so foolishly let spill out of my mouth, for the ugly way that i acted, for worshiping myself and not following my husband, but worse- not pursuing Jesus.

i spent the morning asking for forgiveness for being a stray sheep who is always constantly straying and who wont respond obediently to loving correction from the Shepherd.

i woke up this morning with a new song in my heart, and the promises of psalms 30 filling my mind. 

  i feel so thankful that Jesus has given me this word, that he has called me, and asked me to surrender my life to him. i am excited to see where this year will take me as i continue to give up my control, my expectations, my wants, and my life to serve him more. 

oh 2012.

oh 2012.
you started off just like 2011.
with a very sick baby. 

but before i get to that - we had the best time at our friends house to celebrate new years eve. there was lots of yummy food, good company and some really intense games of pictionary. i discovered that even though i am really terrible at pictionary, i really, really love it. like, its probably my favorite game - mostly because its filled with lots and lots of laughter.  we spent the night which was awesome, and by awesome i mean it would have been more awesome if our little girl was not the sickest she has ever been. 


i stayed awake with her all night long. 
okay, thats not totally true, but i really slept maybe 2 hours. & that sleep was so terrible that it would have probably felt more refreshing to stay awake. maggie screamed for at least 35 minutes non stop at 2 in the morning. honestly, at first i was so annoyed. 
i was so frustrated that she was screaming.
i was so concerned that she would wake up our sweet friends.
or their 3 month old in the next room. {this mama knows how frustrating it is when your 3 month old gets woke up in the middle of the night...} 
and then i just told my selfish little self to simply, "shut up."


what was i thinking?
my daughter was restless, and sick.
and i was thinking about myself & my own feelings.
& it hit me. 
i am so selfish sometimes.
& mamahood is a selfless job.
and i need to grow up and take care of my little one.

so i stopped right there and prayed. 
i prayed that the LORD would calm my sweet one's cough.
i prayed that the LORD would take away my frustration and replace it with compassion and love.
i prayed that the LORD would break my little girls fever.
i prayed that our friends and their little ones would not hear her screaming.
and i prayed that i would stop being angry at my husband who was sleeping. 


and friends, Jesus answered those prayers. 
not all of them.
but the bulk of them he answered.
my heart was so full of care and compassion for maggie in an instant. i wanted nothing more that to make her feel better. i wanted nothing more than to stop her pain. as i held her little body overcome by a fever i just wanted to take away all the icky that she felt. i wanted to just hold her and i didnt even care if i slept or not, all i cared about was getting her to feel better.
it was a moment i have been waiting for as a mama. that moment of feeling like you dont matter, but your child does. that moment where they 100% come before you and your needs - and not out of necessity but out of your hearts desire. and i praised him. i praised him all night long. i praised him when she would sleep for 15 straight minutes without waking to cough, & then i prayed for 15 more. i praised him when he broke that fever and she was finally able to rest a bit. i praised him when i just 100% stopped being angry at my husband because i was not getting what i wanted. and this morning, i heard from our friends that they didnt hear her screaming at all. which is a miracle from God because i know that they should have heard her. 


something that i struggle with a lot is feeling like Jesus hears me when i pray. i really want to learn and understand more about prayer this year, and i think that it started off just right. i sought for the king, and he answered me. and it was the most beautiful start to this year. 

and i caught a quick smile from her earlier today. thank you Jesus for such a sweet, sweet girl. 

happy new years friends. 
i am off to snuggle with my husband. 

a walk through 2011

Hello sweet readers.
i am surprised that there are any of you left.
thank you for hanging in there with me. 

i have just been in a place of 'blah' lately. 
not sure what to write about, not having the time to write, the list could go on. i feel like i have yet to find my voice in blogging. does that make sense? do you ever feel that way? 


anyways, i wanted to do a little recap of what i blogged about this year. i love the new year. NYE is easily one of my top 3 holidays. { i like the firework holidays - NYE, 4th of july, & valentines day...} i really like starting fresh, and using it at a time to get organized and make goals. i dont really make resolutions, because i am no good at keeping them. (although i did a pretty okay job on my list from last year.)but i do like making goals. this year i am working on a 25 by 25 list {which i'll be sharing sometime next week} instead of a 'new years list'. having a list keeps me accountable. 


i have so much that i want to blog about - so much life to catch up on. i have countless photo's from maggie's first birthday {as well as a letter to her i want to share}, our 80's dance party to celebrate our birthdays, i have a post i want to write about Christmas & an 13 month post about our little girl {who is nearing 14 months now...} i have lots to catch up on & i am hoping that i can do that in the next few weeks. will you stay with me?


to be honest, 2011 has been the hardest year i have had. there has been so many hardships that we have walked through and i am really looking forward to a new start. i am really looking forward to all the things that Jesus has planned for this family in 2012. here is a quick look back at our year.


in january i really started getting serious about blogging as a hobby. i started to enjoy it a lot more and felt like it was a great creative outlet. i also learned some really beautiful lessons in being a mama that i am so thankful for. i joined the link up and devoted myself to 31 days of blogging, called 'project 31' - 31 days of blogging about what real beauty is. it really helped me to blog more regularly and to really reach some deeper parts of my heart and helped me to gain perspective on who i am.


febuary is one of my favorite months. this febuary was hard. it was not sweet and fancy like i envisioned. i did write a little bit about my favorite holiday, but what i mostly wrote about was my struggles with a screaming baby and a low milk supply - and i wrote a sweet letter to my friend and a letter to my sweet girl.


in march we discovered what was making our lady scream so much, i shared a recipe for our favorite soup, a sweet post about being married for 2 years, about my first day back at work. and i shared some really special photos of 4 generations. 

april was a busy month. i wrote about going through a storm, about how my sweet husband got a new job, and about wanting to start some family traditions. i also shared a bit of our Easter with you as well as my pretty new blog design & celebrated the new blog design with my very first giveaway.

may was one of my favorite months. i blogged about the royal marriage, my husband surprised me and posted a sweet blog for me on mothers day, i was able to quit my job at starbucks, maggie pearl turned six months old and became a fighter, i wrote about my fears of going on a womens retreat, and what i learned on that retreat.  


in june this little blog was added to faithblogs, i did a recap on our wonderful weekend trip to portland, i told you all how perfect i am, about trials, and about becoming planted.

july i wrote about getting to watch my one of my bff's give birth & how that changed my view of mamahood. 
i started the story of how i met my husband, and celebrated knowing him for 3 whole years. july was also the month we stopped sleeping.


maggie saw her reflection for the first time in august. i got real and talked about what had really been going on with me all year - postpartum depression. i shared more about who i am, and about one of my worst days as a mama. 


i camped out in proverbs 31 for a while in september. and i posted a recipe that we love, and some that maggie loves, as well as watched my baby girl turn 10 months old. 


in october i posted a video of our little lemonhead. i heard from the LORD about resting, and we took our eleven month old to the farm.


i posted all about pumpkins & halloween costumes in november. we celebrated our 3 year anniversary of our engagement, took a walk down memory lane, talked about being thankful, had a wake up call and celebrated our daughter turning ONE. 


decemeber is the month that i neglected this blog. i wrote about celebrating my sweet wonderful husband man, a post about our church and why i love it, and about my new love of glitter. 


as i mentioned, this year was full of hard times, growth, redemption and a whole lot of blessings. thanks for coming along on this crazy ride with me. 


reflecting back on this makes me praise Jesus, because i can see so much fruit and growth from earlier this year to where my heart is now. He is so good. 


happy new year, friends! 

on the farm

over the weekend we took miss maggie to a farm. 
it was so much fun to go somewhere and do something as
our little family of 3. 

 

 

 nick and i loved watching maggie see animals {like this pig} for the first time. 

we are blown away at how big our girl has become and that she is no longer a baby, but has pretty much reached toddlerhood. 

she is walking around pretty good these days. 

and singing and talking a lot.

it's crazy to think that last year at this time, we were still wondering what birth was going to be like, and who this little lady would look like. 

 the little farm that we went to was right on the river, so we took her down to see a river { and she totally didnt care... she just wanted to play in the water.} they had a sweet little 'secret garden' area that i would have loved to have some family pictures taken at. 

tonight, we are starting our first fall family traditon. apple cider, soup and pumpkin carving {and maybe some candy corn...} 

i am really enjoying my little family. what are some of your fall traditions?

ps. i am working on a really fun giveaway, email me if you are interested in donating something!