spring cleaning.

i have pretty much been in "spring cleaning" mode this week.
okay, more like "spring purging". the "cleaning" will come next.
so far i have 5 boxes and a tote bag full of things to sell, donate, consign, or get rid of. it feels awesome. 

and since its pretty obvious, i did some "spring cleaning" on this little blog too! well, i didn't actually do it. my sweet bloggy friend, Jhen did it for me. she did an incredible job at creating a fresh, clean, and beautiful new space for me to write. if you are reading this in a reader, or via email, you should come check out the design, because its really lovely. {thank you Jhen!!}

just wanted to pop in, say hello & show off my fancy new space. back to the kitchen i go. the dishes are calling my name. 

 

surrender

Source: bottomlessbellybutton.tumblr.com via Rebecca on Pinterest

i have been asking God to give me a word to focus and pray on in 2012, and last night after a giant blow up, He did.

surrender

the dictionary defines the word as:

" to yield the the power, control or possession of another upon demand"

i desperately need to surrender my life to Jesus.

last night, nick & i had an argument. okay, it was a full blown fight that started as a few tiny frustrations in my heart. those frustrations stemmed from unmet expectations and from me feeling so out of control, so tired, and so over all areas of my life. not just a little tired, but empty tired. do you know the tired i am talking about?

i cried over my kitchen sink to Jesus, admitting to him that i no longer trusted him to be in control. that i felt like i had a much better handle on my life. that i didn't feel him or want him or trust him. as i let the hot tears fill my sink i was crying out to be saved from my own death, a death that i was causing for myself. 

i told my husband that i wanted, i needed to be rescued, that i longed to be saved. he lovingly reminded me that i have been. i just needed to open my eyes and see it.

the past few months i have really let my relationship with Jesus slide. i have actually lost my Bible multiple times because it had been so long since i had opened it. sure, i prayed every day, but only really had heartfelt prayers when i 'needed' to. i would feel conviction and push it down - too proud to deal with it. and then last night it all blew out of me like a cork in a bottle of champagne. it blew up and lots of ugly bubbled out with it. and then it settled, and then i felt deep, heavy, guilt. and i feel those pesky feelings of depression sneaking back in. 
nick sat down and read these verses to me, {Ephesians 4:17- 30}

 

    [17] Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. [18] They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. [19] They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. [20] But that is not the way you learned Christ!—[21] assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, [22] to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, [23] and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, [24] and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
    [25] Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. [26] Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, [27] and give no opportunity to the devil. [28] Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. [29] Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. [30] And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
   
(Ephesians 4:17-30 ESV)  

i was so convicted. i have been acting as a gentile. i am darkened in my understanding,i have alienated myself from the life of God, and i have the hardest most calloused heart i could imagine. OH, but then came the hope. 

[20] But that is not the way you learned Christ!—

those words are so sweet to this bitter heart. the passage goes on to talk about the old and the new self. i confessed that i had taken off that beautiful new self to put back on my filthy rags.

 BUT THAT IS NOT HOW I LEARNED CHRIST!!!

i learned that the truth was in Jesus, but i abandoned it for the lie that i could do it all on my own.

this sweet husband of mine prayed over me and my desperate heart and this morning i woke up with a new mind. a heart full of repentance for the words i so foolishly let spill out of my mouth, for the ugly way that i acted, for worshiping myself and not following my husband, but worse- not pursuing Jesus.

i spent the morning asking for forgiveness for being a stray sheep who is always constantly straying and who wont respond obediently to loving correction from the Shepherd.

i woke up this morning with a new song in my heart, and the promises of psalms 30 filling my mind. 

  i feel so thankful that Jesus has given me this word, that he has called me, and asked me to surrender my life to him. i am excited to see where this year will take me as i continue to give up my control, my expectations, my wants, and my life to serve him more. 

coffee break.

last night my sweet mama took our baby so we could enjoy a night off. (oh how i needed that!) we spent the evening getting fancy and celebrating the five year marriage of our friends, josh and lexi. they threw a really fun wine party and there was yummy wine, great people and wonderful food. it was so nice to have adult conversation that didnt have anything to do with diapers, crying, sleepless nights, or baby noises. i really needed that. now this morning my husband is at his weekly guy accountability/fellowship group with some close friends and i am enjoying some time at starbucks, alone, without anything to do. this is such a huge gift! the sun is shining, i am eating chocolate covered madeleines, and drinking a larger americano than normal. it feels like i am on vacation, and i love it. 

i think it is time to try and get back on track with project thirtyone. lets see how well i do this time! 

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day fifteen 

Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.

dearest kara::

has it really only been almost 2 years that we have been friends?! it feels like so much longer. you are quite possibly the best friend that i have ever had. you inspire me to be a better wife, a better mama, a better friend, and a better daughter of our king. your beauty shines through everything that you do. the way that you have loved me and my family, is such a blessing, and such an encouragement for me to do the same for others. you have no idea how much you mean to me, to nick, and to miss maggie. i have loved watching you grow in mamahood, i have loved watching you grow as a wife, and i have loved watching you grow as a friend. your sweetness and love for others is evident in everything that you do. your girls are so blessed to have you as their mama, to teach them what real beauty is, to lead them lovingly to the LORD, to show them how to be hospitable and train them to be wonderful wives. your husband is blessed to have you as his wife, to be his best friend, to laugh with (and sometimes at) him, to be in covenant with him for better and for worse. i love you sweet friend, and i hope your feel encouraged because you are such a constant source of encouragement for me. i thank the LORD for bringing us into each others lives, you are so beautiful! 

xoxo::

A

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day sixteen

Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.

my dear sweet margaret pearl::

oh where to start. you are amazing. you always have been. from the moment that i knew you were growing in my belly i knew you were beautiful. i knew that it didnt matter if you had one arm, or a deformed heart, or anything else that was not developed that you would still be beauty in my eyes. every morning when you wake up i call you my 'sweet pea beauty'. i constantly tell you how lovely and beautiful you are. but miss maggie, beauty is not how lovely your eyes are (but yours are incredible) it is not how tiny your pants are, it is not how shiny your hair is or how white your teeth are. beauty comes from within. beauty comes from the LORD. real beauty is not what is on the outside, it is what is deep inside the heart of a woman. you will always have beauty in your heart, the LORD designed us this way, but my sweet daughter, my desire is for you to cultivate that beauty and grow it into something so lovely that shines for our father in heaven. he formed you in my tummy, he knew what you would look like, he knew what you would act like, he knew what you would love and what you would dislike. he sees you as his beauty. even when the world will get you down (and it will get you down) i desire for you to know that your beauty doesnt come from them. remember always that like i said, true beauty is deep in the heart of a woman and not just on the outside. i will always think you are beautiful, your daddy will always think you are beautiful, and your father in heaven will think you are beautiful for eternity. we love you, sweat pea beauty. i can not wait to see who you turn in to being, and i can not wait to celebrate your beauty for the rest of our lives. you are a gem. 

love you,

xoxo:: 

mama. 

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day seventeen

 Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.

this one is going to be short, since the other 2 are super long.

one:: disneyland. i know i sound like five year old girl, but disneyland is my favorite place, and it makes me so happy. even just thinking about it, and remembering the sounds, the smell, and the sights. i love it. 

two:: being in love. with anything. i love to love things, and loving things makes me happy.

three::sunshine and bare feet. i love shoes. but more than shoes, i love bare feet. nothing beats walking through warm grass with no shoes on. i love it.

i love onemillion other things. which you will be able to read about on this blog, because i tend to write a lot about what i love. 

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xoxo:: 

a  

happy sunday.

just when i think we have the best sleep habits possible with a newborn, my sweet daughter decides to change it up. last night we woke up every 2 hours. for the first time in her life she woke up crying immediately and could not be consoled for quite some time. my sweet husband was an amazing daddy and comforted her because i honestly couldnt take it. i seriously hope this is a growth spurt.

then this morning we woke up a little on the early side ( i suppose i didnt see the point in trying to sleep anymore) which was nice becuase we were not in a rush to get ready for church. it was also our day to lead the greeting team, so we had to get there extra early. we all rode together in my bug, which really brought joy to my heart because as silly as it sounds, i love that car and i love that my entire family was in it together for the first time today. maggie turned 12 weeks old this morning, which is unbelievable, and i have been inspired by so many other blogs to write monthly updates on our little angel, so in the next week i will write 3. i am excited to be able to read this 10 months from now and remember what it was like! church was awesome. there were SO many people there. Jesus has been so good to our church. after church we went to my parents house for a superbowl party. i think i looked at the tv a total of 4 times, one of which was to watch the black eyed peas do a terrible performance, along with usher who was wearing the ugliest pants in the world. it was just really nice to see my family and let someone else hold our baby. i would say that this weekend turned out to be 1,000 times better than i thought. (thank you, Jesus! i really needed that!)

 here are some fun photos from today. 

12 weeks old.

sweet lady baby.

day fourteen

   Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!

basically "blah" but it is easy 

and i needed that this morning.

 the leggings are from target,the skirt from old navy,the sweater from target, the tank from target, the necklaces are from forever 21 (and were $1.50 each!)and the flats from old navy (like 6 years ago.)

the best part about my outfit are the flower shoe clips on my flats. my mama made them for me this christmas and i love them, and love shoe clips! 

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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10.  What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

 

xoxo::

a   

behind, and photo of the week 1.5

i am behind. i really wanted to blog everyday, but the past couple of days have been really busy. maggie must be going through a growth spurt because she basically slept all day yesterday. which was not all that terrible, but she would only sleep in my arms. don't get me wrong, i love to snuggle with my sweet angel, but i didnt get anything done. the sun was shining here in seattle and it was so lovely. i wanted to take her out for a little walk, but she had different plans. then last night we started our new community group. the last group that we were a part of grew to about 40 people, and so we replicated the group into 3 different ones. ours started last night. 

today, maggie and i spent some time shopping with my brother. while we were out i got my wedding ring cleaned, and it needed it so bad! i love when i get it cleaned and it is so sparkly. so that here is my photo of the week.

 

day ten 

 What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)

ahh. this post could be so super long. i am learning SO much right now that it is unbelievale. i think that the biggest think that the LORD is teaching me is:: 

selflessness. 

i have come to realize that i am a very selfish person. i like things just the way that i want them. as a wife, (and especially a new, young wife)things will not and do not always go according to your plan or your desires. and as a pregnant mama, and now a mama, things rarely go according to plan, desire, or anything. i had got to give up my body for nearly 10 months to our sweet daughter, and thought that i could have it all back after she was born. my oh my was i wrong. i have to lay myself down everyday for the well being of my daughter. bah. it is just so hard. but Jesus has been teaching me joy in the midst of this hardship. he has been showing me how the more selfless i am in all of my roles, the more fruitful i am, the more joy i have, and the more wisdom i gain. i could post alot more on this topic, but i am so tired. (our baby bird woke up 3 times last night, which is rare because she is 11 weeks and has been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks.) i think this is one that i will come back and elaborate on another time. but i am working on being more selfless, and giving more of myself joyfully to my husband, my daughter, my LORD , and my friends\family. 

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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10.  What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

day nine

today was busy. i liked it because i felt like i got a lot of things done, i was even able to leave miss maggie with a friend for a few hours and run some errands by myself. while i loved having some "alone" time, i didnt love how it made me think of what it will be like dropping off my baby, and heading to work in just 2 more months. but i wont worry about that until i get there, and even then i shouldnt worry about it, and let the LORD handle it. i dont really know if i like todays topic for "project thrityone". it makes me feel silly and uncomfortable. 

day nine 

what virtues do you value in yourself?

i pretty much tried to procrastinate as long as possible on this one. but after some prayer and some thinking i decided on something. the virtue that the LORD has blessed me with an intense desire for is modesty. 

i actually really, really love it. i love knowing that my entire life i have had strong convictions about modesty that have allowed me to be an example for young girls. that is a true blessing and gift from Jesus. i value it because i am not only setting an example for my daughter, but i am honoring my husband. i value it so much because of those reasons. i can not wait to teach maggie all about the importance of modesty, as well as allowing her to express herself through fashion while keeping in mind the need to be modest. i pray she feels the same why that i do about it. 

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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?
Day 10.  What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend? (Or just woman in general?)
Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

a rose and some beauty tips.

i was really distracted yesterday by my sweet and adorable family.  so i didnt have time to blog, and i am totally ok with that because there is nothing better than snuggling with my sweet husband and lovely daughter. i am going to squeeze two posts into one today... 

day seven

Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

meet emily rose. 

most of the time i call her emmy. 

 

emmy has a heart that radiates beauty.

her friendship is so valuable to me. i met em when she was in the eighth grade and i was a junior. i did not expect to be friends with her at all. the LORD had other plans. over the past 7 years we have walked through some pretty heavy life stuff together. emmy has shown beauty and grace through something so hard i could not imagine. she has leaned on the LORD and trusted him in difficult times. i have seen her love him with all her heart and soul and mind. it has been so encouraging to watch her grow up from a really amazing girl, to a really incredible, beautiful woman. i dont get to see her that often because she is in portland at bible college, but i think about her everyday and love when she comes home and i get to see her. we dont talk that often these days, but she is always in my thoughts and prayers. i pray that my sweet daughter will look up to her aunt em and i can not wait to watch their relationship grow. i love you emmy, and i love how you have taught me so much about life, and love, and the LORD. you are so beautiful, and i want to cry when i think of how deeply you love Jesus. i am so blessed to call you one of my dearest friends. 

day eight

 Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!

i couldnt decide on one beauty tip, so i am posting ten of my favorite beauty things.

these are some of my favorite beauty products. i use *most* of these items everyday. i love the mint julep mask because it makes my skin so refreshed and feel so clean. if i feel a breakout coming i will use it and instantly clears things up. i use babywipes as makeup remover. it is quick and easy (and now i always have them on hand!) the clarisonic skincare system is hands down the best thing i have ever put on my face. mine is currently broken, and getting a new battery for it is on my "to do" list. bad gal lash is my favorite mascara. all it takes is one coat and you have fuller lashes. burts bees is the best chapstick. we have like 6 tubes floating around my house. lorac illumining powder is awesome. my mama bought it for me and i used it everyday. it was the only make up i needed. tinted moisturizers keep my skin feeling natural but still covered, and i always use one with spf. (because sunscreen is important but i always forget!) the rosemary mint shampoo and conditioner is so cheap, but it is honestly the best shampoo. my hair feels clean for days. ( thats another secret... i only wash my hair about 2 times a week.) bobby pins are a girls best friend. i couldnt do anything with my hair if i didnt have them. i recently discovered burts bees toothpaste, and it is my favorite. it keeps your breath smelling fresh and doesnt taste gross like most toothpastes do. enjoy!
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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman. Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?

Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

day six

day six

Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

the answer is yes. a million times. i think that it is pretty obvious to the world that most of the time i am not comfortable in my own skin. i never think that i look nice. i constantly compare myself to other people around me and constantly feel like i am never enough. a few years ago it was way worse than it is today. i was always surrounding myself with magazines and celebritys. i dreamed of looking like an olsen twin. ( i know thats pretty ridiculous, but it is so true.) i wanted to be skinny, and blonde, and have wavy (not curly) hair. i wanted to be able to wear whatever sytle of clothes that i wanted. i wanted to look "perfect". i didnt think that my eyes were the right size or color. i thought i had terrible hair.

and for most of my life, i have stuggled with accepting my curves and my body type. like really struggled. 

the world'd definition of beauty has jaded me very much. after we got married, my husband chalenged me to stop reading magazines and careing about celebirites. he challenged me to stop focussing so much on what i wanted to look like, and start thanking the LORD for who i am. i am telling you, after struggling with body image for basically my entire life, that this did not change how i feel. it did not make me feel any better. it has only been since the birth of my daughter that i am coming to realize that my body was not created to be in a magazine. i was made to only have a "perfect" body to my husband and my little girl. i am not healed. i am not fixed. i still spend tears on the fact that those jeans do not fit me yet. but through the grace of the LORD, i am learning and growing. i know with his help i will someday beat this and know that the world does not define beauty correctly. until then i am determind to not be jaded by what the people of the world think, becuase there is no way i want my daughter to grow up and think that they are right.  i was looking through all these photos of from the past 3 years, and i have realized that while i might not think that i am beautiful all the time, i can see that the transformation from girl to woman to wife to mama is something so beautiful and the world can not take that away from me. no matter how hard they try.

 xoxo,

a 

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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?

Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!

 

   

 

two letters about love.

** disclaimer:: this might get mushy. but i already warned you before that i love love**

day five.

Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive. 

 my sweet husband,

today's topic was to write a blog to someone who has made my heart come alive. i felt like the most obvious choice was you. you have no idea what your love has done to my heart. before i met you i was working with the LORD to mend my heart. it was so tattered and torn from being mistreated and not handled very carefully. i feel like it was hanging on by a tiny thread. i was trusting and hoping in the LORD that he would mend it and show me the right person to give it to, but in his time and not my own. oh my, did he ever show me the right person. before you, there was him. i thought i could be completely happy with him. i thought i was. but being with him slowly killed my heart. i couldnt be who i wanted around him. i couldnt wear my silly sparkly shoes. i couldnt be around my loud crazy family without feeling guilt. i just couldnt be comfortable in my own skin. i didnt know this then, but my feminine heart was not being cultivated the way that the LORD intended a man to cultivate his lady's heart. my heart was dying before my very eyes, and i was to blind to see it.

and then there was you. the moment i saw you i felt free. i felt like i was able to be 100% the woman that i was created to be. i felt like you loved every little thing about me and my heart 

(and i know that you still do). i felt my heart awaking and coming back to life. when i look at you i want to be a better me. i want to be a more free me. 

i want to wear my silly shoes, and dance my made up dance moves. i want to cry about things that dont make sense, and i want to tell you all about my hopes and my dreams. i want to serve you better, and serve the LORD with you. you made my heart come alive, and want to be a woman. but do you know why? you are able to do all of those things, and heal my hurting heart, and make it come alive all because of the LORD. so really, i am writing this letter to thank you for all the love and for all the ways you have cultivated my heart, but to also tell you that today, this letter about someone who has made my heart come alive is not going to be written to you, but to him. because i love him first and i love him more, and he has awakened and made my heart more alive than you ever could. 

i'll love you as long as he allows,

a

now for my real letter.

oh LORD my GOD,

you are awesome. and not in the way that i usually use that word, but you are awesome. i stand in awe of your grace, and your mercy, and you love. you knew me before the earth did. you stitched me together in my mama's womb. my for was not hidden by you and you know the number of my days. my heart was dead, cold and dead. you have used your marvelous creativity to show me your beauty. it is those things that caused me to fall in love. my heart was full of sin, and full of uglies. it was so broken and defeated. so many times in my life you sought me out. calling to me, and showing me your love. i never allowed you in, i never allowed you to make me feel alive. then there was that day. the day where i felt like i had nothing left. the day where i heard, " be more quiet now and wait for the LORD to sing to you"

i waited. i became the quietest i have ever been, and i heard you sing. in those moments, with the rain pouring outside i felt my heart burst with life. it felt like giving birth, i was struggling and didnt want to feel anything, and then as soon as i did what i felt was life bursting out of every part of my body. but this time it was my soul. the deepest parts of me, oh LORD, were alive because of your greatness. thank you, thank you, thank you, for saving my dead ugly soul. thank you for rescuing me and winning my heart. thank you for loving me more than my husband does, and for blessing me with a man who seeks to love me the way you commanded him to. you are my rock and my salvation, my first love. thank you for giving me everything that i do not deserve, and loving me despite my sin. i'll love you for the rest of eternity. 

your daughter, 

a 

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THE LIST:


Day 1.  What does beauty mean to you?
Day 2.  What makes you uniquely you?
Day 3.  Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?
Day 4.  Style 31.  Post a pic of you in your favorite outfit.
Day 5.  Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.
Day 6.  Jaded beauty.  Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?
Day 7.  Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.
Day 8.  Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)?  Share, please!
Day 9.  What virtues do you value in yourself?

Day 11.  Post a recipe.  Or if you don't cook, try a new recipe and write about how it turned out (pictures please!).
Day 12.  Write about what wears you out as a woman.
Day 13.  Write about something you would like to change about yourself for the better.
Day 14.  Style 31.  Post an outfit pic!
Day 15.  Write to encourage a friend.  Inspire her beauty.
Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life.  Tell her what beauty means.
Day 17.  Write about 3 things that make you happy.
Day 18.  Describe your personality.
Day 19.  Write about your favorite comfort food (we are women- we ALL have comfort food!)
Day 20.  Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.  
Day 21.  Write a letter to your husband to encourage him (or if you are single- your future husband.)
Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.
Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?
Day 24.  What is Jesus teaching you presently?
Day 25.  Style 31.  Post a pic of your favorite comfy clothes.
Day 26.  What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you someday when you are gone?
Day 27.  Write a blog to encourage someone and build their confidence!
Day 28.  Write about your insecurities as a woman.
Day 29.  Write about "a day in the life of me."  (Pics are great!)
Day 30.  Who is your role model as a woman?
Day 31.  Write about your dreams and goals as a beautiful woman!