spring cleaning.

i have pretty much been in "spring cleaning" mode this week.
okay, more like "spring purging". the "cleaning" will come next.
so far i have 5 boxes and a tote bag full of things to sell, donate, consign, or get rid of. it feels awesome. 

and since its pretty obvious, i did some "spring cleaning" on this little blog too! well, i didn't actually do it. my sweet bloggy friend, Jhen did it for me. she did an incredible job at creating a fresh, clean, and beautiful new space for me to write. if you are reading this in a reader, or via email, you should come check out the design, because its really lovely. {thank you Jhen!!}

just wanted to pop in, say hello & show off my fancy new space. back to the kitchen i go. the dishes are calling my name. 

 

on why i have been silent...

"who am i writing for?" 

"what am i writing about?"

"are my words of value or importance?"

"does anyone even read these words?"

"is that even important?"

"why am i writing this blog in the first place?"

those my friends are the questions that have been running through my mind every single time i sit down to write on this blog. 

if i am really honest with you all {which i tend to always be} i would tell you that i have never really sat down and defined what i want this blog to be - what type of a space i want it to be. do i want to write for others, do i want to write for myself - and sometimes do i want to even keep writing at all. 

its silly, i think - how deeply i want others to read what i write. not because i want to be something awesome, but i suppose its because i want to know that i am being heard. i have amazing, amazing real life friends who always validate how i feel and who hear me all the time, but there is something about writing for me - its deeper than a conversation sometimes. its more emotional, and raw. it is a part of my heart that i can only express in written words and not out of my mouth. i sometimes feel like there is this whole other person inside of me begging to get out in my writing and because i am fearful of what others will or will not say, i keep it all locked up. and i do not want to do that anymore. i want to write. ever since i was a little girl i have written. written about how i feel, written about made up stories, kept journals, and even had a blog prior to this one where the only person that read it was my sweet friends mama and after she suddenly passed away i couldn't write there anymore so i started this one. i write because if i dont, i fear i will explode. i share it with you because i want to be fully known - and i want a place to store all my memories, all my pictures, all my thoughts and all my silly interests. i want to share my life with you all not because i want to be 'popular' or because i think that my life is really so interesting that you all want to follow along and read about it, but because i want to be raw, real, and honest.

i am learning lately to just let go of what other people think about what i write. because the truth is - this is a blog about my life, my journey to live the story Jesus has for me each day, and whatever that includes is what i should write about. so i will. i will write about whatever, and i will find joy in that because i am living the life that Jesus has laid out for me - the life that he died for so that i could live, and live it in freedom. they way i feel limited to write on this blog, is for sure not living in that freedom. 

i hear too often the lies of the enemy, where he tells me that my words are not of any importance at all - that they have no value, and encourage no one. his words are just that - lies. and i am going to stop listening to them, because he is dead wrong. 

i dont want this little corner of the internet to be dry - or dead- or quiet- or filled with loud noise. i want it to be a space filled with things that are noble, pure, just, true, lovely, honorable, because that is what i want my life to be, a life built out of Philippians 4:8. i want to speak words of wisdom, lessons from mamahood, lessons ob being a wife, and the lessons that Jesus is so gracefully teaching me. and today, this blog changes. i am letting go, surrendering this blog to Jesus, and surrendering my fears and my heart to him regarding this space. its time i stop trying to make this something that it is not, and let it just come forth out of my soul - all for the glory of God.

 

 

a place to be.

alright blog. its been a while.
i have been having the hardest time finding any motivation to write.
i have the time, but i have been spending it just dreaming about writing on this blog - wishing that i could think of something - anything to say. & i always think of something. at 12am. and i am not getting up just to write, because sleep is important to me too. 
anyways. 


i am trying to decide what i want this blog to be. or what Jesus wants this blog to be. can i be honest for a sec? i feel like i want to blog about whatever - about the ups and downs of parenting, about the gospel, about how wonderful and funny my husband is, about what i am wearing, what maggie is wearing, about how awesome and sweet my friends are, about what i am learning at Church and in my own time with Jesus, about what we are eating & what i am crafting, about what funny/amazing thing maggie is doing at this moment, about my dreams, about love, about friendship, about grace, and about redemption. and sometimes, just to share that i painted my nails mint green {because i just did that.} but i also feel like if i blog about all that stuff that it makes me a shallow person. I DO NOT THINK THAT BLOGS LIKE THAT ARE SHALLOW. but i am afraid that i will look like i am. because i try to hard to put on a really good mask that i am always itching at writing a post on the gospel. but the real, honest truth is sometimes i just want to talk about jeans, or about what we did over the weekend. and i am having a really hard time letting go of the "idea" that i can do that and still be okay. i need to remember that i dont write this blog for others, i really write it for me. its mine. and i get to say what i want. and i like that. but its a little scary putting out that side of me. i think that being real sometimes freaks me out and i try to add more 'meat' to my posts just so i dont seem all 'fluff'. does that make sense?
so because of this, i have been real quiet over here. and thats about to change. im bringing blogging back. {shout out to mr timberlake. even though i dont really care that much for him.} and i am going to blog my little heart out about whatever, and if its shallow - oh well. and if its silly - no big deal. i think the other part of the truth is that i have been so caught up in how awesome the blogging community is and how badly i want to be a part of it, but how i HAVE NO IDEA how to be. i've said it before, that i am awkward when it comes to relationships - i hardly know what to do in my real life friendships, let alone online ones. but i want too. my heart desires to know you ladies, to encourage you and to be encouraged by you. i want this blog to be more than it is, i want to be less of a place to complain and more of a place to just be. i am praying that it can be just that.

thanks husband!

i have been wanting a new blog design, or at the least, a new header for months. unfortunately i have not had any extra money to use for it, but i mentioned it to my husband and he was sweet enough to make me this beautiful new header on his day off! {due to lots of snow and ice} i love it, and i love that he designed it all for me! 

thanks nicky, for making my space to write a little more beautiful. 

thankful

 

i know that i am a day late. 

but i am still thankful.

right now i am siting awake at my parents house suffering from a severe case of insomnia along with christmas morning excitement to go shopping in just about 2 hours. i think i have slept for about 2 hours. but honestly, who can sleep in a bed with your husband and your crazy 1 year old who needs a jet engine fan blowing to sleep & who sleeps at an angle taking up at least half of the bed? {not me.}

but i am not complaining. i actually am 100% ok with this no sleep thing tonight. or last night. or whatever. 

i am so thankful for my little family and all the blessings we have been given.

i am thankful for:

my husband. he loves and serves me every.single.day. he is such a huge blessing to me and i am so thankful that Jesus saw it fit for us to be married.

my daughter. she is full of joy, she gives us such joy, she is a constant reminder that i need my savior & being her mama has sanctified me in so many ways.

my family. i loved having our non traditonal, crazy loud, thanksgiving dinner. sometimes having a large, loud family can be overwhelming, but i wouldnt change it for anything.

my Jesus. oh, he is the thing i am most thankful for. without him i am nothing. he is my strength, & it is only by his grace that i can do this life.

my friends. i know i am not as good as a friend sometimes as i should be. i am working on it. but i really have the best friends. i am so thankful i get to walk through life with them.

this blog. i have been terrible at blogging lately, but i am still so thankful for this little space of mine. it has been an amazing year since i really got 'serious' about blogging, and i have met some amazing ladies, shared deep parts of my heart, & found something to do that makes me feel more like me. 

being a stay at home mama. i really am thankful for this one. it is something that i never thought would work & through my entire pregnancy i never imagined i would be at home with my lady. i am thankful that the LORD provides and for my husband who works hard to make this dream possible. i do not take it for granted. at all.

i am thankful for so many other things, but it is nearing 2:30am and i should try to maybe get another half hour of sleep... or just go wake up my mama like i used to on Christmas day. hmmmm...

happy thanksgiving friends. i am thankful for you.

 

hi blog.

hi friends.
i promised i would be back. oh this day has been a wreck.

maggie woke up all sorts of cranky, threw the monitor at my face & so i promptly put her back to sleep. . that girl is so firey when she is cranky. i am praying the LORD gives me so much grace for her as she starts getting bigger, so i can be ready for the 'terrible twos'. 


i have been feeling really anxious this week. 
& i have been really good at giving all that anxiety to the LORD.
which is a huge step for me because i used to just hold on so tight to the anxiety and let it eat me alive. 
wanna know what i have been most anxious about?


money.

i have not talked about money very much on this blog. but lets just say that we felt like Jesus was leading me to stay at home with maggie and quit my job at starbucks about 6 months ago. when i quit my job it was not because we could totally make it just on my husbands salary, but because we felt like God was asking us to walk in obedience to something he had called us to. it didnt and still doesnt make much sense. but we have been walking in faith and trusting that the Lord will supply our every need. and he has. its been amazing. 

but this month fear, doubt and anxiety have set in. 
its almost the holidays, maggie turns 1 this month, our tabs expire on one of our cars, maggie has had to go to the dr for an infection, i got a speeding ticket on my way to that dr appointment (which i received in the mail earlier this week), our rent went up $50, i dropped my cell phone in a puddle while taking a grocery cart back in the pouring rain on wednesday.. the list could go on and on. i feel like this list of unexpected things is just going to get longer and longer. i am not saying that we are like really, really struggling, we are living comfortably. we have food, and clothes and we go on a few dates a month... but i just find myself getting anxious about all of these things! 

one of the things that i am convicted about through all of this is that i hold money as an idol. & i dont have a problem admitting that. its an embarrassing idol, but the truth is, i worship money and feel like i find some of my value in it. 

i have been learning a lot lately about finding my identity in Christ and knowing that no matter what happens i have Jesus. so, if i dont have money to redesign my blog like i want, or money to buy all the things i put in my favorites on etsy, that it doesnt define who i am. in the same way that it doesnt define who i am if i have 50 followers or 500 followers, if i get 10 comments on a picture i put on facebook, or 0 comments, or if i am wearing really cute fashionable clothes, or if my hair looks like all the pictures i pinned on pinterest. my identity comes from Jesus and what he thinks of me is all that matters. & he loves me more than anyone else, he values me more than he values the sparrows. i feel so much peace in that.  

i have been praying all week for God to help me through this anxiety, because i think that its good for me to go through this, to lean on the LORD and to ask him for help and guidance. & he keeps bringing me back to all the wonderful, happy and joyful things that are in my life. 

i had a little cryfest with God today about how i am angry at him that we dont have a house, or a new car, i was angry that i couldnt just walk into target and buy all the cute new clothes that i wanted for nick, myself and maggie. truth be told, it felt really good to talk to God like that. it felt really good to just tell him that i was angry, ask him to forgive me for my anger and for a heart that is content with the things that i do have. 

i am going to keep praying those prayers, reading those verses and loving Jesus despite our bank account. i am going to trust him and walk bodly in faith on this road that he has us on. 

honestly, i am not sure if this little post will make much sense to anyone else. & if it doesnt, i am sorry. i am trying to get my groove back with writing. :) thanks for being a reader. it means more to me than you all know.

something exciting is going on with this blog...

hello friends!

i have something really fun to tell you.

my little blog was just added to faith blogs! 

if you dont know what faith blogs is, please go check it out.

its wonderful.

there are t o n s of amazing blogs written by ladies who love Jesus. 

if you are here from faith blogs, hello! i am excited that you stopped by! i am so excited to 'meet' more of you & to learn from you & with you. 

happy tuesday! 

needing scripture & my first giveaway!

alright, i know i was supposed to start my giveaway yesterday, but honestly, yesterday we had a family emergency that required me to be away from my computer & focus on my daughter & my marriage. so, i am sorry. but i am thankful. thankful that the LORD has brought us through this, & thankful that today is a new day, a sweet gift from Jesus. something that i needed yesterday was to be surrounded by his word. i so quickly forget the promises of the Bible during times of hardship. i have learned that i need to be filling my mind with prayers & scripture to get me through, to remind me of the promises of God. i seriously think my house is just going to be filled with cute little art prints reminding me of his goodness, his promises, & his love & grace. i have learned i need the scripture in my face. especially since becoming a mama, i need it somewhere where i can see it, where i can not get away from it. that's a reason why this giveaway means a lot to me.  so, are you ready to find out what it is?! 

here is  a little back story. jessi & i have never talked face to face, even though we have a ton of mutual friends. jessi & her family used to go to our church here in seattle & have recently moved to the south to be church planters. i so wish i would have met this sweet woman before she left, but i am so thankful that i get to know her now & so thankful that i can read all about her heart. i have been reading her blog for a long time, & i think you should too! she opened this amazing etsy shop & i so excited to be able to feature her as my first giveaway! 

go here!

so as i said, jessi, from naptime diaries, opened an etsy shop where she sells amazing art prints with scripture & encouraging words that are pretty to look at making it so much more lovely to hang scripture in your home. {see why i think this is so awesome?!} here are a few that i love::

dont you want one too?

well friends, how sweet is jessi to give away a print of your choice for free?!

here is how you enter::

comments get you entries & the more the better. this giveaway will be open until sunday & i will randomly pick a winner & announce it on monday, may 2!

1. follow jessi's blog, naptime diaries  {i promise you will be blessed by her words!} 

2. follow my little blog {comment & let me know you are new!}

3. visit jessi's shop & let me know what lovely art print you would love to win to hang in your home

4. facebook, tweet or blog about this giveaway {comment to let me know that you did!}

good luck friends! i am so excited & i hope you are too!

a little bit of Easter & a little bit of change

oh friends. i am still recovering from this past weekend. it was completely amazing. our church held our Easter service at qwest field on sunday, & it was an amazing time of worship & just seeing the awesomeness that is Jesus. i want to write an entire post about sunday & i am hoping to be able to do that within the week. i have photos to post, & videos to share... it was just so wonderful. i love that good friday was & is such a somber event, because the joy that came with celebrating the resurrection of our Savior was astounding!! after a very full day at church, we went to my parents house & took a nap, ate a meal & enjoyed laughter with my family. its truly a blessing to have family so close. we ended the day with snacks at our dear friends house where miss maggie decided to have an incredible 'easter blowout' {which after further discussion we have figured that we are most likely teething. thanks heidi for the heads up!}  but even that could not put a damper on all the joy that we felt. oh it is so good to know that He lives so i can too. its so refreshing to know that i worship & serve a God who is

A L I V E ! ! 

here are some pictures from sunday:: 

don't you just love those eyes?!

family photo

lady baby & her daddy

trying to get a smile

 in other news...

its been avoided for far to long! the new look of this blog is lovely. like pretty much my dream. a few months ago when i became more 'serious' about blogging, i came across this gem of a blog. jhen is amazing. she designed this beautiful space for my thoughts & my heart. not only that, but she has started to become a sweet friend & i feel so blessed to 'know' her & i am excited to get to know her better! so, thank you, jhen for this lovely & amazingly beautiful space! 

to celebrate this new look, tomorrow i will be hosting my very first giveaway! i am really excited to share it with you all tomorrow afternoon! 

i know that a lot of my posts lately have been laced with trials & all the hard things going on in my life lately. i am feeling pretty gross about that, but i know that my heart has been in a place of gloom & sadness for a while now. it feels so good to see the joy of the LORD, to feel his grace in my life, to see him working in the lives of those around me, & to really begin to trust him in all areas. my cup is overflowing & the goodness of the LORD is all around me. it feels grand to just sit & bask in all the good that he is doing. mmm. the LORD is SO good. his love is so real & his grace is so sweet. 

here we are...

welcome!
nick and i decided that keeping a blog is a really good way to update all of our friends and family on the happenings of our life! we desire to share our lives and what the LORD is doing in them with all of you and hope that this is a sufficient way to keep in touch with more people. please check back often as we plan to update frequently!

love,
Nick and Ally MacEwen