a place to be.

alright blog. its been a while.
i have been having the hardest time finding any motivation to write.
i have the time, but i have been spending it just dreaming about writing on this blog - wishing that i could think of something - anything to say. & i always think of something. at 12am. and i am not getting up just to write, because sleep is important to me too. 
anyways. 


i am trying to decide what i want this blog to be. or what Jesus wants this blog to be. can i be honest for a sec? i feel like i want to blog about whatever - about the ups and downs of parenting, about the gospel, about how wonderful and funny my husband is, about what i am wearing, what maggie is wearing, about how awesome and sweet my friends are, about what i am learning at Church and in my own time with Jesus, about what we are eating & what i am crafting, about what funny/amazing thing maggie is doing at this moment, about my dreams, about love, about friendship, about grace, and about redemption. and sometimes, just to share that i painted my nails mint green {because i just did that.} but i also feel like if i blog about all that stuff that it makes me a shallow person. I DO NOT THINK THAT BLOGS LIKE THAT ARE SHALLOW. but i am afraid that i will look like i am. because i try to hard to put on a really good mask that i am always itching at writing a post on the gospel. but the real, honest truth is sometimes i just want to talk about jeans, or about what we did over the weekend. and i am having a really hard time letting go of the "idea" that i can do that and still be okay. i need to remember that i dont write this blog for others, i really write it for me. its mine. and i get to say what i want. and i like that. but its a little scary putting out that side of me. i think that being real sometimes freaks me out and i try to add more 'meat' to my posts just so i dont seem all 'fluff'. does that make sense?
so because of this, i have been real quiet over here. and thats about to change. im bringing blogging back. {shout out to mr timberlake. even though i dont really care that much for him.} and i am going to blog my little heart out about whatever, and if its shallow - oh well. and if its silly - no big deal. i think the other part of the truth is that i have been so caught up in how awesome the blogging community is and how badly i want to be a part of it, but how i HAVE NO IDEA how to be. i've said it before, that i am awkward when it comes to relationships - i hardly know what to do in my real life friendships, let alone online ones. but i want too. my heart desires to know you ladies, to encourage you and to be encouraged by you. i want this blog to be more than it is, i want to be less of a place to complain and more of a place to just be. i am praying that it can be just that.