from my heart...

thursday night was one of the most incredible nights of my life. i had the privileged of witnessing the birth of my sweet, sweet friends baby girl. 
i am pretty sure my heart stopped for a few moments. 
i still can not get over the joy & the awe feeling that i have had since about 10pm that night.

being in the hospital brought back tons of memories. the sound of the heartbeats, the hum of the machines as they take your blood pressure,the long strips of paper that show every contraction. 

i feel so blessed to be able to witness the birth of a sweet baby girl. i have been going through so much the past 8 months that i feel like i have only been able to see myself, & nothing more than that. seeing this birth, has birthed something new in my heart. to see the love, the pain, the joy, the satisfaction in my sweet friend & her husband, the intense need for her mama that this new baby girl has, it just made me feel like all the joy that had been missing in my heart was put back in an instant. i felt a love for my baby girl that i have never known & i couldnt wait to get home to her & feel her against my skin. i have been falling in love with my girl all over again, & i thank the LORD for all of this, because honestly, last week there were days that i wished i would have never become a mother. days that i was so frustrated with the flabby skin still lingering on my belly, or the screaming baby that doesnt know how to soothe herself to sleep, or just the fact that my husband & i can not just go & walk in the warm summer night air, because at 9pm our daughter goes into meltdown mode. but i realized that this gift that we have been given is so much more than just a baby girl. we have been entrusted by the LORD to raise this child to know & to love him. he picked us to be maggie's mama & daddy & it is a responsibility that is more of an honor. he saw us fit to be her parents, & for that i will be forever thankful. 

i am just so in awe of how the LORD created us to be mamas.
how in just moments after that bundle is out of our belly & into our arms, he equips us in ways we never knew were possible. 
i am thankful that Jesus has used this little ones life to teach me an invaluable lesson. to teach my heart to feel joy & to love deeper for my own daughter. i am so excited about this change in my heart, & so thankful for new life. 

sunday mornings on the patio, with my lady = amazing.
i have so much more to write about this, but my heart is not yet finished processing all that i have learned & all that i have gone through { & am still learning & going through..} as soon as i feel fit, i will be overjoyed to share with you all what i am learning. this has been {still is} a hard season, but now i can see that the first year in motherhood is not going to be easy for anyone, we are all learning. i am learning, my baby is learning, my husband is learning, those around us are learning too. i am just so thankful that i have hope in the LORD & that he sees so much further ahead than i do. & i find so much joy in knowing that he is already there, waiting to meet me. 



  1. Yay!! I got to watch my friend give birth in her home a couple years ago and it was THE most amazing thing ever! I was completely overwhelmed with the way God made our bodies and the way He created some of us ladies to be Mommies. Amazing.

    The awesome thing is, when I go back to CA and see her daughter (who's almost 2 now) I feel like we have this fun, special bond. Its cool.
    Excited for you!

  2. how did i not comment on this the first time?

    i needed this tonight. i needed the reminder that that night had a much, much bigger purpose than how it feels right now.


please say hello & leave your sweet thoughts!