trials of various kinds

last night we had community group.
we were discussing the sermon that i wrote my previous post about.
i wanted to keep quiet.
i did not want to share anything.
but i knew i had to.

so, as i let the words fall from my lips & watched as my biggest 
fear was exposed to those around me, i started to feel :
f r e e d o m.

i started to feel like it was possible to be free from all this. 
that its ok to be imperfect.
that people understand imperfection, because we are all that way.
i looked up at my husband who was watching with loving eyes as i spoke the things i wrote yesterday. 
i knew he was praising Jesus.
not because of me - but because i was opening up, letting others in & that is something i promised him i would never do.


we split into prayer time.
& i knew i what i had to do.
i shared more about this season of my life.
& the LORD has blessed me with many sweet lady friends.
who did something amazing, & prayed over me.
i felt the LORD. i still do.
i also saw something amazing happen.
when i was finished, i got to hear other amazing ladies share pieces of their heart.
it was such a God filled moment to hear how he is refining all of us. it was amazing to hear that others know how i feel. it makes me love the redemption of the cross so much deeper. 
i am not saying that these women all shared because of me.
i wont ever take credit for that,
but what i am saying is that i am learning how the LORD uses trials for his glory. he is using all our trials to show himself.

its so encouraging to know that the things that we go through are not for selfish gain, but for growing in in faith & steadfastness. i want to have this type of mindset with every trial that i encounter. i want to have this type of community with ladies. i want this to not just be something that happened once, but something that continues. & not just with me & my group of women, but with you & yours. 


yesterday, my heart was heavy.
today, my heart is full of joy.
tomorrow, my heart is his.                         
& if it is heavy, or full of joy,
i am going to choose to see it
as a testing of my faith.
& to honor the LORD through all that i 
say & do {& think..}