becoming planted

anyone who knows me knows i dont like change.
i have never been that girl that adjusted well to anything becoming different in my life. ever. 
i like to stay in the same place, know the same people, go to the same stores, drive the same roads every time,use the same toothpaste {get the picture?} BUT since being married to my wonderful husband, i have had to learn to adjust. 

since getting married in march of 2009, we have lived in 3 different apartments. we have packed up all our things & moved 3 times. prior to all this moving, i lived in the same house for 15 years. i have always loved making a place feel like home & staying planted. 

so why is there a stirring in my heart to go?

we desire to go & do what the LORD asks of us, even if he is calling us to leave. we desire to go & share his love to those who need it. but i have always desired to do it in a place where i have felt rooted. 
it is so unlike me to feel like i want to pack everything & go. 
i am not sure if this stirring to get up & leave is a calling from the LORD to move away, or if it is a desire to have a home rather than be in between & not ever sure how long you are going to stay. 

as much as i desire to be where the LORD would have us i also desire to get planted. i read this post yesterday & it really got me thinking about how much i desire to plant & have roots.
i long to have friendships that are so deep, & so real. 
i want to be able to sit 18 years from now with sweet friends & remember the day that our littles were born. to live in deep real community with those around us. to be within walking distance of best friends. i desire for maggie to have her best friends living so close. {maybe next door..} i want to make our home wherever the LORD would have it to be, but if i could pick, i want to make our home here. i want to find a place to plant. i want to have a home.


these are some of the deepest desires of my heart. 

but, i will be patient. 
i will choose to be satisfied.
because where i am, where we are, its just where the LORD has put us.
i know that those friendships will come, the house will show up - or it wont & the LORD will equip me for a lifetime of uncertainty. he will direct my paths to be rooted & planted in him. because there is no other place in the whole world that i could plant our family in that would be richer than being planted in him. 

remember lots wife.

we have some incredible friends.
my family & i have been so blessed by how loving they are to those around them, how kind they are to those in need, & how generous they are with what the LORD has given to them. 
i want introduce you to some of them. 

meet the dean family.
justin, heidi, dylan & coming soon: miss evelyn 

 i am pretty sure that i have told you about this lovely family before. but, just in case i have not, here you go. :) 
the dean's moved here to seattle almost a year & a half ago. 
its been such a blessing to get to know this amazing family. 
like a really huge giant blessing. 
something really awesome about the dean's is that they think of a million and ten ways to love those around them. justin & heidi are super missional & are always thinking of ways to bless others with  their creative ideas & marketing skills. so, a handful of sermons ago this idea was born. 


in Luke 17 Jesus tells us to "remember lots wife". now, lots wife was a lady who longed after her sinful life & paid a very heavy consequence because of that. she was turned into a pillar of salt because she looked back on her old life instead of turning & walking the the direction that God wanted her to go. Jesus was asked in Luke 17 28:-33 about the kingdom of God. and he responded with this: 

28 Likewise, just as it was in the days of Lot—they were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building, 29 but on the day when Lot went out from Sodom, fire and sulfur rained from heaven and destroyed them all— 30 so will it be on the day when the Son of Man is revealed. 31 On that day, let the one who is on the housetop, with his goods in the house, not come down to take them away, and likewise let the one who is in the field not turn back. 32 Remember Lot's wife. 33 Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.

Jesus is asking us to remember lots wife when we want to turn back to our old sinful life. 

so, justin & his beautiful wife heidi created  remember lot's wife wristbands to give us a daily reminder of what Jesus taught in luke 17.

click here to go to their website

  their idea is that by wearing this wristband then you to will remember what Jesus has asked us to do, by turning back from your old, sinful life & walking towards him as a new creation in Christ.  

the other super cool thing about remember lots wife, is that these amazing wristbands are only $5.00 { & free shipping to anywhere in the usa!} but the best part is that $3.00 of every wristband sales goes to help support missionaries. seriously, how amazing is that?! you get a constant reminder of truth while supporting people sharing the gospel! so, please, go check out their website:

rememberlotswife.org

and buy a wristband, or 2. 

 

trials of various kinds

last night we had community group.
we were discussing the sermon that i wrote my previous post about.
i wanted to keep quiet.
i did not want to share anything.
but i knew i had to.

so, as i let the words fall from my lips & watched as my biggest 
fear was exposed to those around me, i started to feel :
f r e e d o m.

i started to feel like it was possible to be free from all this. 
that its ok to be imperfect.
that people understand imperfection, because we are all that way.
i looked up at my husband who was watching with loving eyes as i spoke the things i wrote yesterday. 
i knew he was praising Jesus.
not because of me - but because i was opening up, letting others in & that is something i promised him i would never do.


we split into prayer time.
& i knew i what i had to do.
i shared more about this season of my life.
& the LORD has blessed me with many sweet lady friends.
who did something amazing, & prayed over me.
i felt the LORD. i still do.
i also saw something amazing happen.
when i was finished, i got to hear other amazing ladies share pieces of their heart.
it was such a God filled moment to hear how he is refining all of us. it was amazing to hear that others know how i feel. it makes me love the redemption of the cross so much deeper. 
i am not saying that these women all shared because of me.
i wont ever take credit for that,
but what i am saying is that i am learning how the LORD uses trials for his glory. he is using all our trials to show himself.

its so encouraging to know that the things that we go through are not for selfish gain, but for growing in in faith & steadfastness. i want to have this type of mindset with every trial that i encounter. i want to have this type of community with ladies. i want this to not just be something that happened once, but something that continues. & not just with me & my group of women, but with you & yours. 


yesterday, my heart was heavy.
today, my heart is full of joy.
tomorrow, my heart is his.                         
& if it is heavy, or full of joy,
i am going to choose to see it
as a testing of my faith.
& to honor the LORD through all that i 
say & do {& think..}

twenty two and twenty three.

i loved today.

even though i have barely seen my cute husband,

i have loved today. 

this morning while nick was getting ready for work, i got ready to go spend the day at my parents house. maggie and i left a little after he did for work, and showed up at my parents house around 8:30 in the morning. there is something special about driving somewhere in the morning. there is something even more special about being at 'home' in the morning too. i really miss getting up and sharing my first cup of coffee with my mama and my dad before my brothers were awake. we always had the best conversations and laughed at the silly things that happened during our week.anyways, i spent the day with my mama and brother, with visits from 2 of my aunts and a cousin. my mama took me grocery shopping and then because it started to snow and my car is having some issues, my family drove me and miss maggie home to my sweet husband, and helped unload our groceries. 

i loved today.

day twenty two

Day 22.  What are some needs that need to be met in your community?  Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.

this is interesting because in our community group (which is like a bible study, but deeper) we were talking about this. i honestly dont know my community that well to know alot about what is needed, but i do know that where we live there are a few really great organizations that help single mamas. i would love to be able to be more involved with one of them. i can make up a million reasons why we are not, but it is for sure something that we need to start praying about. 

 

day twenty three

Day 23.  What are your strengths?  What are your weaknesses?

i feel so silly when i write about these things. i dont really have that much trouble coming up with weaknesses, but i have some trouble admitting to strengths. i'll just make a list and go from there. 

::strengths:: 

i am a good listener

i am compassionate

i am kind

i am loving

::weaknesses::

i am selfish

i am proud

i have a hard time trusting

i am prone to discontentment. 

  

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xoxo::

a

 

 

30 weeks, a hospital visit, community, and true peace.

i know. i know. it's been a disgustingly long time since we last updated everyone. i just honestly haven't been in the mood to write. which makes me a little bit sad, because i really wanted to document this pregnancy a lot more than i have. in the scheme of things, that's not what is really important.

basically a thousand different things have happened. the overall theme of what we have been learning this past 30 weeks, has been that Jesus is awesome, this little gem of a daughter we have been blessed with is his and not ours, and living in community is vital to life.

10 weeks ago, we went to the doctor to find out what our sweet little baby was going to be, would we be blessed with a lady baby, or a little man. we were so excited to see what the LORD was going to bless us with! it was one of the most exciting days of my life as i walked into that ultrasound room. i knew that in the next few moments our lives were going to be so different. it was a sweet, sweet time. as the nurse was looking around at our sweet little baby, (who nick was seeing for the first time..) i was thanking Jesus for all of her arms and legs, and her heart and her sweet tiny lips. the nurse had a hard time finding out what our little baby was; her legs were crossed and she was NOT letting anyone see her secret. at the same time, nick and i both silently prayed that she would move so we could find out... and she moved! "it looks like a girl!"- my life was changed forever. i would be the mother to a precious angel and nick would be the father to a beautiful daughter. we could not stop thanking and praising Jesus for the sweet news!

later that day we also found out that our sweet lady baby had what is called an echogenic intracardiac focus. which basically means that they found a spot on her heart. at the time they were not sure what that meant, or what it could be. so they sent us to maternal fetal to get an extra look. we had tons of our wonderful friends praying for us and our little one. during that time Jesus blessed us with an overwhelming sense of peace. peace that i had never known. we just knew that this baby was his baby and we were just taking care of her. i found such comfort in knowing that he was going to do whatever he wanted to do with her life. i still find such comfort and peace in that. the LORD is faithful, and they soon discovered that the spot on her heart was nothing to worry about. Isn't Jesus sweet?

fast forward to this past thursday. it was a regular day... i was heading out to work around 6:50am and nick was still at home, getting ready to go to work himself. i packed my lunch, kissed him goodbye and headed out the door. as i was walking to my car (and i am still not clear how this happened) i fell and landed on my belly, on the sidewalk. after the initial shock of falling ( and noticing that my knee and hand were bleeding and pretty scraped up..) i thought i should just get up, gather my things and head to work so i wouldn't be late. then Jesus stopped me and i felt this sudden urge to pray. after a quick prayer i realized that my fall was serious so i called nick and he rushed outside to help me come back in the apartment. we both called our work, let them know that we were going to be a little late, and then i called the doctor. the doctor told me to come into labor and delivery as soon as possible and that i would be monitored there for at least 4 hours. So, we went. on the way there i said to nick, "Worse case scenario is that we could come home with a baby." and then we giggled and thought, "that's so not going to happen."

we arrived at the hospital and were sent to triage... where i layed on a strecher for seriously hours, with monitors attached to me, one for me, one for our sweet maggie ( another post coming soon on why we picked her name!) my mom and brothers came to see us, they spent about 2 hours with us and then left becuase everything seemed just fine. pretty soon after they left i started having contractions. i had NO idea that this was happening because they were pretty far apart and not painful at all. we just wanted to go home so badly... i was growing very impatient and started feeling some dull pains in my lower back and some cramping. the nurse came in and asked if i had felt any of that, and i really wasnt sure what she was talking about. she then informed me that i had been having contractions and that they were 2 mins apart! So we were going to spend the night at the hospital! during this entire time, we had at least 40 people praying for us. God is good. Jesus is sweet, becuase we felt such peace. both of us knew that the LORD was taking care of us... and how that even if they had to deliver our little maggie that day, that he would have already known that. i can not express enough how gracious Jesus has been. i never could imagine myself as calm as i was, it is only by his grace and mercy. my contractions eventually stopped, we spent the night in a labor and delivery room. basically having a "dress rehearsal" for the day that maggie is born. which is actually really awesome because now we know where everything is, what to expect ( a little) and what it feels like to be in the hospital. we know what to pack in our bags, how to contact people quickly, and nick knows how to keep me calm. its actually a blessing because now that we are familar with what to do, it doesnt seem as scary to us. :) Maggie is staying put for now...

the point of all of this is just to show how wonderfully sweet and gracious Jesus is. he was our strength, he was our provider, he gave us peace, and wisdom. He poured out his love and protection to our little family. He used this trial to bring Nick and i as closer than we have ever been. we were able to see what living in community is like, people offering meals, and prayers, and visits. i have had countless wonderful women offer to come help me clean my house, make us dinner, and just encourage me. thank you, to all of you who are helping and offering. we are in awe at the outpouring of support! i know that if we didn't have the community around us that we do have, i would be falling apart. God designed us to live in community with others... and when you do, you feel that so strongly. its such an amazing blessing.

Peace. it is what i thank the LORD for the most. without it, i know i would be a ball of anxiety ready to burst. i know my husband would be the same way. Jesus is gracious and allowing us to feel immense peace during this hard and what could be stressful time. instead of those things, we feel grace, peace, and love. our LORD is amazing. truly amazing. now we wait... wait for the LORD to bring miss maggie pearl to us in his time-- whatever that may be. we could not be more excited... and to be perfectly honest, we are ready to hold our sweet little blessing anytime that he chooses. as we start the next 10 weeks, we look forward to our little family of 2 becoming a little family of 3, and we look forward to cherishing all the last moments we have together, alone. these next 10 weeks are a treasure. just like the tiny girl that is moving in my belly as i type.

xoxo-

a