2010

this past year was extremely full; it was probably the hardest, best, and busiest year i have ever had.  i love to look back and see the goodness of the LORD, to see where he has brought us from, to see the trials that we walked through, and the blessings and gifts that he has given us. its so nice to be able to look back and see his hand. here is my quick recap.

January:: we were looking forward to celebrating our 1 wedding anniversary, praying about moving into a better place to hopefully start adding to our family.

February:: the shortest month, but it was so full! we moved into a beautiful apartment, (and our 3rd move in a year) we got to see john piper speak at mars hill in ballard, i decided to step down from my supervisor postion at starbucks and transfered as a barista to a store accross the street from our new apartment, and on the last day of the month, we found out that i was pregnant!

March::  we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary with a trip to portland and cannon beach. we stayed at the coolest hotel in downtown portland and went to the saturday market, powells bookstore, and the rouge brewery. after that we went to cannon beach and explored the tide pools, seaside, and hug point. it was really fun, despite all my morning sickness!

April:: i started working across the street, and learned that being less stressed at work meant that i could spend more quality time with my husband.. and my morning sickness was virtually gone.  (thank you Jesus!)

May::  this month i went to the doctor and they couldnt find the heartbeat for our sweet angel baby. the LORD was so gracious and allowed me to feel an overwhelming sense of peace. later that day they did an ultrasound and i not only got to hear our little babes heartbeat, i got to see her too. (such a sweet blessing!) we also spent a weekend camping with my family and some of their church family. it was the most blustery camping trip i have ever been on. in the middle of the night our tent all but collapsed on us. it was so fun! 

June:: this month we got to find out if our sweet little baby that we had been dreaming and praying about would wear pink or blue. on june 21 we learned that a modest lady baby was growing inside of me. we were overjoyed that Jesus had given us the child that we prayed for. we also found out that miss margaret pearl had a spot on her heart. and after further investigation (and lots of prayer that the will of the LORD be done) the doctors concluded that she was 99%  healthy and that it was probably nothing more than a calcium deposit.  we also learned alot about being generous as our church began fundraising for a new building in downtown bellevue. 

July:: we spent the 4th of July in Moses lake with my family. it was a fun weekend of laying by a pool, soaking up some sun, and enjoying family. we also spent alot of quality time with our ever growing community group, and our church family. who is basically the same to us as our regular family. 

August::  was dress rehearsal month. while heading out to work one day, i somehow managed to fall flat on my baby bump. that fall landed us in the labor and delivery room for a night, and a little scare that our tiny girl could be here. we felt so loved and surrounded by family and the LORD that we were not scared, but at peace with whatever happened. 

September:: was baby shower month! we celebrated with a cocktail party baby shower, a southern themed baby shower, and a shower filled with pearls. it is so obvious that maggie has so many people who love her and we were greatly blessed by them all! ( the thank you cards are coming... i promise!) 

October:: i worked my last shift at starbucks (until this march), we celebrated the birth of miss siena joy, our sweet friends daughter... so fun walking through our entire pregnancy with them! dressed up for halloween (even though i really didnt want to at 38 weeks pregnant.) and went trick or treating with some really dear friends. (it was my first time trick or treating...) 

November:: i struggled as i was 7 days overdue with our little lady, but because God is so good, we celebrated the birth of Margaret Pearl on the 14. nick got to stay home with us for 2 weeks (HUGE blessing!) and we celebrated thanksgiving with both sets of our family.... and i even got to go out shopping on black friday with my mama, while my sweet husband watched our little girl. it was awesome! 

December::  nick turned 27, i turned 23 and maggie turned 1 month old pretty much in the same week. we had lots of family celebrations for birthdays and Christmas. it was a great month filled with family and friends, and many many blessings from the LORD. 

i love that Jesus has been so good to us. this past year was not the best. it was not my favorite. it had some really hard times, and some really good times. what i love the most was that in 2010 the LORD showered us with his blessings. he kept our baby alive, and us alive and healthy too. he gave to us everything that we needed and at times everything that we wanted as well. sometimes you need to have a hard, stressful, emotional year to really understand the grace and love of the Father. 2010 was that year for us. i am praying for 2011 to be a year full of firsts, a year full of grace, and a year full of growing closer to Jesus, my husband, our daughter and our amazing friends and family. 

happiest new year, everyone!

the photo blog i promised...

baby toes

laboring

1 + 1 = 3

mama

daddy

gma

grandma

6lbs 13oz  and 22 inches of baby goodness

margaret pearl

silly daddy

daddy loves his lady baby.

mama and her sunshine

gramps

happy mama

great gramma

our sweet sunshine

miss megan and siena joy

the knights

family

baby cry

love

sunshine in november. vol. 2

i am sitting here, snuggled in my apartment, sipping on some yummy cranberry cider. my sweet husband and daughter are napping. it is a beautiful thing. i have time to finish my story!

so.

they confirmed labor. i think that was around 11 in the morning. we were admitted and my amazing mama was with us as we went to our delivery room! i had to walk there, and i was in tons of pain - - the pain meds i had been taking had almost worn off by then. i couldn't believe that we were having our sweet little girl... that she was really coming! OH i forgot to mention one of the ways that Jesus is so awesome! the sweet amazing doctor that we talked to on the phone the night before, was the same doctor that would deliver miss maggie! Jesus was so gracious and kind to give me her, seeing as she calmed all my fears before. Anyways, they checked me a million times and poked me with needles. i waited to get my epidural, i wanted to see how long i could go without one. at around 1pm i decided that the body shaking pain was enough and had them give me the epidural. which i think means i made it nearly 7 hours without one. meanwhile my sweet, wonderful husband was by my side, reading me bible verses to calm me down and to help me meditate on what the Word said. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 that was my labor verse. i could not have gone through labor without hearing and praying that verse.  

after i was dilated to a 5 for like 2 hours they finally gave me pitocin to help speed things up. and it totally did. they gave me the lowest amount they could for an hour and i had started dilating much more quickly. out in the waiting room we had our sweet friends, Justin and Heidi and their son, Dylan, our good friend Jon, and my family. i was visited by all of them, and also by my grandma and my aunt margaret, and my aunt lana. it was nice to see people considering we had been there for so so long. they broke my water and discovered that miss maggie had meconium in my amniotic fluid. which meant that the NICU nurses would be in our room to suck out her lungs as soon as she was born.  by about 8 they said that i was dialated to an 8 and so we called my sweet, lovely friend Kara who was taking photographs right after birth for us. she got there and i was at a 9. she read to me out of the bible, held my hand, and just encouraged me. the LORD had blessed me with all the right people there. it was awesome. 

 and then things got a little bit stressful. 

i started pushing at 10pm. 

yeah. got there at 6:30am and didnt start pushing until 10pm.

it was a long day. with no food, no water. just ice chips and an iv to stay hydrated.

i went into pushing really exhausted. 

after a small ammount of time, they started gettting worried about miss maggie. her heart rate showed that she was getting a little bit stressed. so the Doctor sat down and had a serious conversation with us about C- section. 

Nick and i prayed and prayed that the LORD would not let that happen. 

they had me wear an oxygen mask and try pushing, every other contraction. which is a really hard thing to do. 

things were getting closer. miss maggie was making her way out... and then our doctor, my sweet sent from the LORD doctor, suddenly had to go. 

she was called to do an emergency C-section. 

God is so, amazing, and good, because what he did next was just what i needed. 

i kept telling nick, "i cant do this anymore." "it is too hard, i am too tired" (its nearly 11pm, or later by this point) i kept talking about the ice cold sprite i was going to drink after... and dreaming of the food i was going to eat. i was getting so physically exhausted. 

the nurse (who happened to be a midwife as well) started helping me push. between her and Nick i made some really good progress. too good. because they started freaking out. they called in a midwife, who's name was amy. my nurse told us that she is much kinder than the doctor delivering our baby, and i said, "well then she must be an angel." and that she was. 

she was incredible. she helped me stay focused. she coached me so lovingly. it was like i had known her my whole life. i love her.  pretty soon i started feeling like i knew this baby was coming. i had to push. i couldn't stop. i was tired. i wasn't pushing well. as it was nearing midnight another doctor came into the room. before i knew it nurses were everywhere, people were talking quickly and i needed to get this baby out! the nurse came over to me and tried intoducing herself. i just told her, "i dont care who you are, just get this baby out of me!" and then amy, my sweeter gift from the LORD, tried to leave. i grabbed her arm and begged her to stay. she was keeping me focused. then, at 12:06 am on november 14 our sweet, beautiful, maggie pearl was born. i looked at my baby, i looked at my husband. and i felt this newness about us. i felt so many emotions. i fell in love with maggie, but before that i fell in love with nick all over again. i saw his face as he looked at his daugher and then at me. i saw his happy tears. and then mine poured from my eyes. our baby was here. that little girl that we prayed for, that we loved, that we read to, that we laughed and dreamt about. she was here. my sunshine came to me that morning. and my relationship with the LORD felt new. everything did. and it still does.

miss Margaret Pearl MacEwen was 6 pounds  13 ounces and 20 inches long. 

her eyes were as bright and big as her mama's, and her chin-- and exact replica of her daddy. 

she is beautiful. 

she is golden.

she is lovely.

she is our sunshine. 

maggie pearl.

** i will post a photo blog about all of this next!** 

xoxo- A

sunshine in november. vol.1

last week was a crazy week. it was full of sunshine. maybe not literal sunshine, but it was full of miss maggie! i have been so busy snuggling and loving on my sweet daughter that i have not had the chance to write. BUT i really want to get the whole birth story down before i forget. becuase right now, i forget alot of things. like paying for my groceries. (which is another story in itself...) 

So. 

on friday november 12, i went to the doctor. it was quite possibly the worst appointment i have ever been to. i was not treated very well, and no one gave me any information, except that i wasn't having a baby that day. or really anytime soon. i left feeling really upset and angry. but not about what you would think. i was not upset that my daughter was not coming, but i was upset about how i was treated. so my husband called the office and we were able to talk to a doctor who was amazing!! she was so sweet and so kind and gave us so much information. i was praising Jesus for this lady! since it was friday, it was our date night so we decided on pizza and a movie. while driving to the pizza place, we were talking and both said how even though that day was hard, we both felt joy. and joy is something we haven't really felt in a long time. like overflowing joy. it was awesome. and thats when it started. 

we got to the pizza place and it was closed. shut down. which was sad because it is the pizza place we went to on the day nick asked me to be his girlfriend. so i was a little sad about that and then it started. all of a sudden i felt really, really crampy. this went on the entire time that we were eating and watching a movie. it continued when we got home and i tossed and turned all night with these "weird annoying cramping pain" ( little did i know those were contractions) the whole night i barely slept and kept thinking about how i was going to go to some craft shows with my mama the next day. then around 4am nick woke up and asked if i was ok. i explained to him my cramping pain and he started timing them. at around 5:30 he suggested that we go to the hospital. and i said no. i didnt want to go and be sent home. i thought for sure that would happen.  i agreed when i got up to go to the bathroom and i could barely walk. we arrived at the hospital around 6:30 in the morning and they confirmed that i was indeed in labor.... 

to be continued, baby lips need kissing...

5 things that i would love right now...

spearmintbaby.com

1.  i would love to hold and kiss my baby, as soon as possible!  ( i think this photo is darling and something to be treasured. don't be surprised if i have my own photo like this-- soon!)

my dream.

2. these are perfect. the whole set is mismatched. if i would have seen this 2 years ago, they would have been on my wedding registry.  they are so lovely, i could scream. 

shoe clips.

3. i think these are the most fun! i want 30 pairs of shoe clips-- that way i can wear the same comfy ballet flats, or my best heels, and have them look different all the time! 

my favorite place.

4.  it had to be on this list. i always want to go to disneyland. always. every single day of my life. i just found out about what they are doing for the holidays-- snow falls on the castle, lights everywhere, you dont need to wear 16 layers of clothes to stay warm... this sounds perfect. some day we will spend Christmas in disneyland. or at least go during the holiday season. you have to check it out... its awesome. 

gingerbread latte

5. you can take the girl out of the coffee shop, but you cant take the coffee shop out of the girl. i love holiday at starbucks. almost everything about it. almost. and i really, really love gingerbread lattes-- with no sprinkles.  

so, there is my fun little list.

just a little something to help me pass the time until lady baby gets here. 

xoxo- 

A

sunshine.

today there is sunshine. 

a lot of beautiful sunshine. 

i think it would be a good day to meet my daughter. 

but only the LORD knows.

and i love that.

it's like a really fun secret or surprise that you are waiting for, 

on the edge of your seat-- excited and nervous all at the same time

and peaceful. 

i feel like my heart is going to be alright. it's going to be so worth it. 

i have waited a "long" time for this baby, so what if i have to wait a few more days.

ahh... the sweet feeling of trusting in the LORD. 

sunshine. 

she will be full of sunshine.

she will be my sunshine.

she will be nick's sunshine.

and she will be HIS sunshine.

thank you Jesus for this day, no matter what the outcome. 

no matter if i see maggie or not.

doesnt even matter how she gets here, 

as long as she is safe.

thank you so much for the blessing

of a daughter, and a child.

and thank you, for the 

lovely, beautiful, golden 

sunshine.

xoxo- A

you can buy this here.

tomorrow.

yesterday was a good day. 

the sun was out, i woke up feeling like the LORD was near to me and that it was all ok. 

that it didnt matter if maggie was here or not, that she would be here soon. 

i went to starbucks for breakfast and a chai tea latte. usually i eat in the car, but yesterday i just sat in the coffeshop, and started out the window and thanked the LORD for a beautiful day, a sweet husband, a healthy baby, and salvation.

i headed to my appointment and while i was on the way i was listening to the christian radio. they were talking about people who had babies and held them for only a few short hours before Jesus took them into heaven.

i turned it off. 

i didnt want to hear that. 

i immediatly went into prayer for our sweet daughter and my fragile heart. i prayed that the LORD would keep her here, that the LORD would protect her. and then i prayed that he would protect me and my heart if his will was to take her to be with him. 

i felt brave and confident and filled with the spirit as i walked into my appointment. 

i felt the hand of the LORD on my heart and i felt him holding me close and telling me that it is all ok.

i didnt really know what to expect at this dr appointment. 

i have obviously never been 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant, 

and thought this was going to be a quick appointment. 

Oh was i so wrong!! 

i started with an ultrasound. it was a sweet gift that the LORD gave me! 

i got to see our little sweet baby... her face, and her profile. 

honestly, it was so hard to see that she didnt really look like anything but a smashed baby face, but i can tell she is going to be a lovely lady. :) 

they made me lay and moniter her movements to make sure she was still very active... and she was.

after the results of the ultrasound came back, i was told that my levels of amniotic fluid are low. that means that needed to push more fluids into my body, 

and stay rested. no more cleaning, organizing, running around. nothing. 

if that doesnt help my fluid, then on wednesday (tomorrow?!) i will be induced. 

which means, that tomorrow there is a chance that we get to meet miss maggie.

i was nervous and excited all at the same time. 

so, here i am sitting on the couch, (where i feel like i have been for years... even though it has really only been 2 days.) 

and thinking and praying about what all of this means. 

it means that tomorrow, when i leave here at 11am, i might not ever come back home 

without a baby. it means that 

i will not get to experience the thrill of "oh my gosh, i think i am in labor!" (at least not this time!), it means that i will walk into the hospital fully "prepared" to give birth. 

its weird, and exciting.  

so, i covet prayers. 

prayers that our baby stays healthy. prayers that we are doing the right things.

prayers that if this is not what the LORD wants for us, that my fluid will go up. 

prayers that i am ok with whatever situation he gives us. and praise that i feel so at peace 

and so ok with whatever happens. i am anxious to meet my daughter. 

i am anxious to hold her in my arms. i have been waiting for her,

for a really long time... and its so close i can almost touch it. 

i feel joy and nerves. 

pray for my sweet husband, 

who has been faithfully serving me. 

we are excited, but it doesnt feel real because 

i dont know what tomorrow will bring. 

i am just resting in the LORD and it is the sweetest feeling i could have. 

i think i will go paint my nails, in case i do get to meet my daughter tomorrow... 

xoxo- a

psalms 103:5

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;"

this is a verse that i have been meditating on today.

waiting, is hard. trusting in the LORD = harder. (at least for me)

finding hope and joy in him-- difficult.

i have been learning through the past 40 weeks, that he is ultimately in control. it is his choice if this little baby made it through the first trimester. when she did, i praised him for his goodness. it is his choice on if our little one was a lady or a little man, and when she was indeed a lady, i praised him for hearing our prayer and giving us the desire of our heart.  when we found out that she had a spot on her heart, we praised him because we knew he is the giver of good gifts, and we then praised him for his grace when the tests came back negative. 

when i fell and spent the night in the hospital we praised him for saving our baby, and praised him for the peace that he gave to us so abundantly. 

then something happened to my heart. i let my flesh take over. it happened very slowly, but i let it happen. i started to take things into my own hands. i decided i knew when this baby was to come, i was going to choose how and when. i thought, " the LORD will not let me down. he has given me so many other gifts and so i am certain he will grant me this one too." i thought it was alright for me to do this. i rationalized it in so many different ways.  do you know what happened? i became sick in my heart. i became depressed. i had no joy. no peace. no excitement about the coming of our baby. nothing. i was numb. this lasted for weeks. i brought my husband down with me. i invited darkness into my heart and my home. i allowed sin to just infest my heart. i was ashamed and didnt want to go to the LORD. i wanted to hide. i know what adam and eve felt like. it was a mistake to try and run this life on my own. i knew it, and i didnt want to admit it to my savior. ( although i already knew he knew...) 

my husband. he served me tirelessly. over and over again he prayed for me to give this up. my community group, my friends, they all saw me hurting and prayed for me to let this all go. but me and stubborn heart just could not do it.  

then came october. i thought, "this is it! she will come on this day... the LORD is good. she will come". that day was almost 2 weeks ago. am i holding her in my arms right now?  

nope. 

after that i cracked. i fell apart. how could this happen? how could i be so wrong? i was ashamed and embarrassed that it didn't go my way. it didn't happen the way i wanted. i felt like i never wanted to leave my house. i just wanted to stay locked in there until she came. she didn't come. but HE did. he rescued my heart. i knew i couldn't do it anymore alone. i opened up and talked about it. i revealed the darkness in my heart, brought it into the light and i felt the shame and guilt being lifted. i started to feel joy again. i felt his peace, in knowing that he is the one in control. i finally felt my heart rejoice for this baby, again.

this morning i woke up.

  "this is the day that the LORD has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it." (paraphrase of Psalms 118:24)

 i wanted to pray. i wanted to pray for my daughter. i wanted to do what i did nearly 40 weeks ago. i wanted to give her back to the LORD. 

so i did.

and today, i will wait on him. i will trust in him. i will know that she is in his hands and that he already has the number of her days written. i will know that if we get to hold maggie for an hour, he is good. if we get to hold her for a week, he is good, and if we get to hold her for years, he is good. her days are numbered by him. 

maybe today is her day.  maybe tomorrow. 

maybe not. 

either way, i am choosing,  that i will not be shaken.

i will trust and hope in the LORD, because he is so much wiser than i. 

 

 xoxo-

A 

 

something to make me smile...

waiting.

this is going to be short, because i have to clean up my house,  fix my hair and face, and probably should eat something before our sweet friends drop off the (new to us!) chair for miss maggie's room, but i am just anxiously awaiting the arrival of our sweet baby.  i know that she is not officially due until nov 7, but i want her to come so badly. monday will mark the date of our original due date, and you have no idea how badly i want her to come before then... or really soon thereafter. i know that i need to, that i must be patient and wait on the LORD for the perfect timing, but it is SO much harder than i thought. i thought it would just be easy, just waiting and waiting. i thought that it would be exciting and that i would be able to do so many things... but instead i am sitting in bed, dreaming of having our daughter and wishing that she was coming today. it's the weirdest feeling because i know that no matter what i do i have NO control over how or when she arrives. Yesterday was my last day at starbucks for the next 3-4 months. it's really exciting but really stressful. i am constantly nervous about what it will be like to not be at work, and then what it will be like having to go back. at first i thought that i would want to have at least a week or so to myself before our baby comes, but now i am not so sure. i honestly dont care about sleeping in, about doing whatever i want, or just having a week to relax. i just want to see and hold and kiss and smell my sweet little maggie. OH but then when i think about her actually coming, its so overwhelming! excitement and anxiety rush through my bones. i think, am i ready to actually give birth? i know that the LORD will sustain me and carry me through the entire process, so that makes it a little bit easier. i just know what i want. i want to have our baby. i want to hold our baby. i want to dress her and take pictures of her and share her with the world. i want to do that today, i have no other plans, so today seems like a good one. but i have not really considered what the LORD wants. when does He want maggie to come? when does he want me to hold her? when does he want nick to see his daughters face? the choice is not mine. no matter how hard i try, this little girl is not coming until her heavenly father literally pushes her out.  i need to rest in knowing he knows so much better than i do. i need to rest in that, i must. otherwise the next 2 weeks are going to be very, very hard. 

xoxo:

A

3 and a half weeks,,,

i have so many photos to upload, from 3 sweet baby showers for our sweet maggie, but right now my apartment smells like fresh banana bread, and brewing coffee. its a sweet treat for me to enjoy with my husband when he arrives home. i hope he likes it. yesterday he blessed me with some really sweet flowers, so today, its baked goods for him!

i am starting to understand that in a few weeks, (3 and a half?!) our home will be very different. a sweet little lady will be here! i can not wait! 2 weeks ago i took some time off work and really finished alot of projects that needed to get done around here, and it feels so good to know that our "to do" list is getting smaller. it's a huge blessing that the LORD gave me so much energy 2 weeks ago to get all those things accomplished. i see his grace all over my apartment. its wonderful.

i had a doctor appointment this week, and everything is looking good... i got to see a really fuzzy ultrasound of our little lady, and she looks so cute! she looks so big compared to how she looked at 20 weeks. it made me really excited to kiss her sweet lips, and see her for real! our doctor estimated that she will be around 8 pounds... so now we are taking bets to see who is right!

my goals for this week are to really finish up the lady's room... and pack our hospital bag in an actual bag (not just, i know where all the things are...) get some photo's taken of nick and i together, post some photo's of my sweet showers, and unpack a few more boxes, and put a few more boxes in storage... as well as the daunting task of reorganizing my pantry. and next week, is all about deep cleaning... the kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, carpet, windows, everything! OH and it is my last week of work! Jesus is so good!

xoxo- A

this weekend.

today, i dont start work until the afternoon. which is very strange for me. in the 4 years that i have worked for starbucks i have worked only a handful ( a semi good sized, handful) of afternoon or evening shifts. i almost dont know what to do when i have a morning to myself, but not have the day off. i suppose that is not important. needless to say, it was wonderful to be able to sleep in, because i feel like i might be coming down with a cold. which is exactly what i dont need right now. hoepfully i slept it off. at least i am praying that is what happened.

this weekend is f u l l. we are doing SO much in 3 days, its unbelievable. it is going to be so fun, and such a sweet weekend, but it is going to be alot, and i am praying that we can make it and still feel rested (somewhat) on monday. here are some fun things we are looking forward to:

*Date Night:

we only have a few of these left before our lady comes! this week we are planning (as long as it is not wet and rainy) to go to the fair. we like it for about 3 reasons.

1. the photo booth.

if anyone knows me, they know how much i adore photo booths.it is seriously one of those

things that brings me such joy. together, nick and i have 2 from the fair, one we made ourselves for our "save the date" cards for our wedding, and one from our

1 year wedding anniversary trip to the ace hotel, in portland. i am excited and a little curious how we are going to fit into the tiny booth this time, but i am sure going to try!

2. corn dogs.

there is no story to go with this. i just like them. alot.

3. a brick of fries.

that is all nick.

*birthing class.

all.day.long. on saturday. we are excited, but that is going to be the thing that kills us this weekend. it is all day, like 9-5. gross. but totally worth it. (i hope.)

* baby shower vol.1

i am really excited because some really lovely ladies from our church have planned a really sweet cocktail party for me and little miss maggie. i am really looking forward to being around all of them in one room, sharing good food, and good laughter. lets just hope i can decide what to wear!

*birthing class, again.
but on sunday, its only for like 4 hours i think.

* my dad is turning 55 on sunday.
i am really excited to celebrate the 55 years that the LORD has blessed him with, and look forward to the many more that he will hopefully bless him with. i really love my dad.

that is what we are looking forward to this weekend. and right now, i need to stop daydreaming and go get ready for work.

xoxo-
a

my joy stealer...

this week has been so overwhelming.

i have felt so exhausted, emotionally- physically, and just mentally. i keep thinking of all the millions of things that i want to do before our sweet little lady gets here. i keep thinking about how we are not prepared at all. i keep feeling so so sorry for myself. its dumb. i know it is not what Jesus wants. at all. it is what my flesh wants. i want a pity party. a big one, complete with raincloud balloons. all i want to do is listen to music that will make me sad, and sit in my comfy pants (basically the only thing that i can wear,well, comfortably.) and stress about all the things i need to do. when really, the thing that i need the most is to trust and lean on my Jesus. to give him all of my cares. do i do that?? the answer is obvious. if i did, wouldn't i be joyful?

we just talked about this on sunday, and then again on tuesday.

i am totally letting my circumstance steal my joy; and for what?! is it worth it?! NO. my joy should not be based on what is going on around me, but on knowing that i have eternal life, i am never going to die again, i am going to be spending literally forever with the King of Kings. that should outweigh everything else. if i really thought about how awesome that is then i would have no reason to let my circumstances steal my joy.

so that is what i am going to do now.

i am NOT going to allow my uncomfortable clothes, disorganized brain, unfolded laundry, unpacked baby's room, full dishwasher, or my sore and swollen feet steal my joy an longer. instead, i am going to find joy in knowing that:

- my clothes are uncomfortable and my feet are sore and swollen because our baby is growing and healthy. and because the LORD put her in my belly. he made my body to do this, and it is glorifying him. even though i dont feel that.

- my brain is disorganized because i am not giving myself completely to the LORD. i am going to find joy in knowing that He allows this to happen so i have a physical reminder to stop and give all my cares to him. it might not be the way i want to be reminded to pour my heart out to Jesus, but it works.

and, the rest, i am just going to find joy in doing them!

i am going to think about how sweet the LORD is to allow me to have clothes to fold, and dishes to put away. and i am going to dwell on how sweet he is to provide a place for us to live that has a space for our little girl to put all her things, while i unpack her room. i am going to love him instead of throw myself a pity party. in fact, i might just laugh at all this madness and REST in knowing that the JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH and i CAN get through the next month, and i CAN get all the things done that i need to get done, with his help. Jesus is sweet. Jesus is good. Jesus is gracious. i love him.

Nick.

this post is all for my sweet husband. it is amazing to think that this month we have been married for a year and a half.

nick:

i know that the last few months have been extra hard.
the house is barely ever clean, let alone organized, dinner is rarely made, and i always seem to have a list 1 mile long of things i need help with.
i am sorry.

you have been such a giant help, and a huge encourager to me!
i am so thankful that the LORD blessed me with a patient and kind husband
who doesn't mind making sure that everyone around him is comfortable.

thank you for always putting yourself 2, and me first.
thank you for teaching me a quicker and more efficient way of doing the dishes,
and for eating frozen dinners or wacky meals that are just easy for me to make.
thank you for not complaining when we are out of milk for 3 days in a row, but for eating oatmeal instead.

i love you. i love you for never making me feel guilty about being behind on housework,
instead you lovingly encourage me to get things done.
thanks for dealing with all the emotions that come with being pregnant,
and taking most of what i say during those times with a grain of salt.

thank you for praying for me every day when i get up to go to work...
and for listening to me hit the snooze button.
thank you for letting me call you at 3:50am while i walk to my car
because i am scared of walking there in the dark alone.
thank you for packing me a lunch and bringing it to me on your way to work
so that i can sleep for just "10 more minutes."

more than all of those things, thank you for praying with me,
for praying for me, for asking and encouraging me pray even when i havent
wanted to. thank you for reading the bible to me, and to miss maggie.
thank you for loving me the way that Christ loves the church.
you are a sweet treasure.
thank you for reminding me how
to fall in love- with Jesus first and then you.

i love you snick... and i am very much looking forward to growing old with you
, for raising our babies ( can you seriously believe we are having a baby?!)
together,
and for learning more and more about who the LORD is
and what his desire is for our lives.

i'll love you as long He will allow.

xoxo-
A

something sweet...

i watched this, and it just makes me want our lady baby to get here so bad.

it also makes me wish i would have documented this exciting time alot better.

maybe next time... ;)

30 weeks, a hospital visit, community, and true peace.

i know. i know. it's been a disgustingly long time since we last updated everyone. i just honestly haven't been in the mood to write. which makes me a little bit sad, because i really wanted to document this pregnancy a lot more than i have. in the scheme of things, that's not what is really important.

basically a thousand different things have happened. the overall theme of what we have been learning this past 30 weeks, has been that Jesus is awesome, this little gem of a daughter we have been blessed with is his and not ours, and living in community is vital to life.

10 weeks ago, we went to the doctor to find out what our sweet little baby was going to be, would we be blessed with a lady baby, or a little man. we were so excited to see what the LORD was going to bless us with! it was one of the most exciting days of my life as i walked into that ultrasound room. i knew that in the next few moments our lives were going to be so different. it was a sweet, sweet time. as the nurse was looking around at our sweet little baby, (who nick was seeing for the first time..) i was thanking Jesus for all of her arms and legs, and her heart and her sweet tiny lips. the nurse had a hard time finding out what our little baby was; her legs were crossed and she was NOT letting anyone see her secret. at the same time, nick and i both silently prayed that she would move so we could find out... and she moved! "it looks like a girl!"- my life was changed forever. i would be the mother to a precious angel and nick would be the father to a beautiful daughter. we could not stop thanking and praising Jesus for the sweet news!

later that day we also found out that our sweet lady baby had what is called an echogenic intracardiac focus. which basically means that they found a spot on her heart. at the time they were not sure what that meant, or what it could be. so they sent us to maternal fetal to get an extra look. we had tons of our wonderful friends praying for us and our little one. during that time Jesus blessed us with an overwhelming sense of peace. peace that i had never known. we just knew that this baby was his baby and we were just taking care of her. i found such comfort in knowing that he was going to do whatever he wanted to do with her life. i still find such comfort and peace in that. the LORD is faithful, and they soon discovered that the spot on her heart was nothing to worry about. Isn't Jesus sweet?

fast forward to this past thursday. it was a regular day... i was heading out to work around 6:50am and nick was still at home, getting ready to go to work himself. i packed my lunch, kissed him goodbye and headed out the door. as i was walking to my car (and i am still not clear how this happened) i fell and landed on my belly, on the sidewalk. after the initial shock of falling ( and noticing that my knee and hand were bleeding and pretty scraped up..) i thought i should just get up, gather my things and head to work so i wouldn't be late. then Jesus stopped me and i felt this sudden urge to pray. after a quick prayer i realized that my fall was serious so i called nick and he rushed outside to help me come back in the apartment. we both called our work, let them know that we were going to be a little late, and then i called the doctor. the doctor told me to come into labor and delivery as soon as possible and that i would be monitored there for at least 4 hours. So, we went. on the way there i said to nick, "Worse case scenario is that we could come home with a baby." and then we giggled and thought, "that's so not going to happen."

we arrived at the hospital and were sent to triage... where i layed on a strecher for seriously hours, with monitors attached to me, one for me, one for our sweet maggie ( another post coming soon on why we picked her name!) my mom and brothers came to see us, they spent about 2 hours with us and then left becuase everything seemed just fine. pretty soon after they left i started having contractions. i had NO idea that this was happening because they were pretty far apart and not painful at all. we just wanted to go home so badly... i was growing very impatient and started feeling some dull pains in my lower back and some cramping. the nurse came in and asked if i had felt any of that, and i really wasnt sure what she was talking about. she then informed me that i had been having contractions and that they were 2 mins apart! So we were going to spend the night at the hospital! during this entire time, we had at least 40 people praying for us. God is good. Jesus is sweet, becuase we felt such peace. both of us knew that the LORD was taking care of us... and how that even if they had to deliver our little maggie that day, that he would have already known that. i can not express enough how gracious Jesus has been. i never could imagine myself as calm as i was, it is only by his grace and mercy. my contractions eventually stopped, we spent the night in a labor and delivery room. basically having a "dress rehearsal" for the day that maggie is born. which is actually really awesome because now we know where everything is, what to expect ( a little) and what it feels like to be in the hospital. we know what to pack in our bags, how to contact people quickly, and nick knows how to keep me calm. its actually a blessing because now that we are familar with what to do, it doesnt seem as scary to us. :) Maggie is staying put for now...

the point of all of this is just to show how wonderfully sweet and gracious Jesus is. he was our strength, he was our provider, he gave us peace, and wisdom. He poured out his love and protection to our little family. He used this trial to bring Nick and i as closer than we have ever been. we were able to see what living in community is like, people offering meals, and prayers, and visits. i have had countless wonderful women offer to come help me clean my house, make us dinner, and just encourage me. thank you, to all of you who are helping and offering. we are in awe at the outpouring of support! i know that if we didn't have the community around us that we do have, i would be falling apart. God designed us to live in community with others... and when you do, you feel that so strongly. its such an amazing blessing.

Peace. it is what i thank the LORD for the most. without it, i know i would be a ball of anxiety ready to burst. i know my husband would be the same way. Jesus is gracious and allowing us to feel immense peace during this hard and what could be stressful time. instead of those things, we feel grace, peace, and love. our LORD is amazing. truly amazing. now we wait... wait for the LORD to bring miss maggie pearl to us in his time-- whatever that may be. we could not be more excited... and to be perfectly honest, we are ready to hold our sweet little blessing anytime that he chooses. as we start the next 10 weeks, we look forward to our little family of 2 becoming a little family of 3, and we look forward to cherishing all the last moments we have together, alone. these next 10 weeks are a treasure. just like the tiny girl that is moving in my belly as i type.

xoxo-

a