this week has been so overwhelming.
i have felt so exhausted, emotionally- physically, and just mentally. i keep thinking of all the millions of things that i want to do before our sweet little lady gets here. i keep thinking about how we are not prepared at all. i keep feeling so so sorry for myself. its dumb. i know it is not what Jesus wants. at all. it is what my flesh wants. i want a pity party. a big one, complete with raincloud balloons. all i want to do is listen to music that will make me sad, and sit in my comfy pants (basically the only thing that i can wear,well, comfortably.) and stress about all the things i need to do. when really, the thing that i need the most is to trust and lean on my Jesus. to give him all of my cares. do i do that?? the answer is obvious. if i did, wouldn't i be joyful?
we just talked about this on sunday, and then again on tuesday.
i am totally letting my circumstance steal my joy; and for what?! is it worth it?! NO. my joy should not be based on what is going on around me, but on knowing that i have eternal life, i am never going to die again, i am going to be spending literally forever with the King of Kings. that should outweigh everything else. if i really thought about how awesome that is then i would have no reason to let my circumstances steal my joy.
so that is what i am going to do now.
i am NOT going to allow my uncomfortable clothes, disorganized brain, unfolded laundry, unpacked baby's room, full dishwasher, or my sore and swollen feet steal my joy an longer. instead, i am going to find joy in knowing that:
- my clothes are uncomfortable and my feet are sore and swollen because our baby is growing and healthy. and because the LORD put her in my belly. he made my body to do this, and it is glorifying him. even though i dont feel that.
- my brain is disorganized because i am not giving myself completely to the LORD. i am going to find joy in knowing that He allows this to happen so i have a physical reminder to stop and give all my cares to him. it might not be the way i want to be reminded to pour my heart out to Jesus, but it works.
and, the rest, i am just going to find joy in doing them!
i am going to think about how sweet the LORD is to allow me to have clothes to fold, and dishes to put away. and i am going to dwell on how sweet he is to provide a place for us to live that has a space for our little girl to put all her things, while i unpack her room. i am going to love him instead of throw myself a pity party. in fact, i might just laugh at all this madness and REST in knowing that the JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH and i CAN get through the next month, and i CAN get all the things done that i need to get done, with his help. Jesus is sweet. Jesus is good. Jesus is gracious. i love him.