sunshine

today there is sunshine.

a lot of beautiful sunshine.

last year on this exact day 

i wrote this.

today, as i sit here and watch my daughter

read books,

watch her walk around and talk to me

{in a way that only she can}

i fell so blessed.

so blessed to have carried that girl in my belly for 

nine whole months {plus 7 extra days}

so blessed that even though we have had the hardest year

of my whole life

we have felt God's grace poured out on our family.

so blessed to teach, love and nurture the sweetest little lady.

so blessed that her birth was not what i had planned, but that it 

was just what God had planned.

so blessed that we get to be the parents to the happiest little girl.

today there is sunshine.

lots of beautiful sunshine.

and i see it as a sweet gift from the LORD.

a sweet reminder of last year and the week that i waited for 

maggie, and all that i learned that week.

sunshine. 

she will be full of sunshine.

she will be my sunshine.

she will be nick's sunshine.

and she will be HIS sunshine.

 last year i wrote those words for my daughter who i had not met yet.

and this year i am re posting those words for my daughter who i have had the pleasure to spend every single day with for the past year, because these words are so true of who she is.

maggie is full of sunshine.

she is my sweet sunshine.

maggie is nick's sunshine.

but most importantly i know she belongs to 

Jesus.

she is HIS sunshine.

eleven months

margaret pearl,

oh sweet girl, just how did we get to eleven months?

i am completely in awe of how quickly this year has gone. 

we are so excited to be so close to celebrating this first year of your life, but there is something so bittersweet about it. 

this year as literally flown by. 

you have grown so quickly from babyhood to toddlerhood. 

this past month you have done some pretty big things for such a little lady!

your speaking skills have very much improved. 

you can say, 'mama' and 'dada' and 'blah blah'

as well as 'ya ya' and the very popular, 'la la'.

you also know how to sing. 

yep.

sing.

every time a song comes on or you hear music you raise your voice and do a sweet soft " la la la la laaaa" 

a lot of the time you can copy what i sing. 

you love music. 

we find you turning all your toys into shakers or drums. 

and you twinkle the keys on your little piano all the time.

you have a good taste in music too. 

your favorites are band of horses, rosie thomas, death cab for cutie, iron and wine, and the occasional lady gaga, black eyed peas, and dare i say it: katy perry. {all thanks to your hunkle d}

another thing that you learned how to do this month is walk.

get. it. girl.

you started walking at 10 months old.

it was a sunday night and your daddy was taking off your sunday dress to put on your jammies. i guess he was not going quick enough because you walked your way right out of that dress. 

it was our favorite moment. we all giggled and mama cried a little bit. 

so my girl, i could go on talking about all your favorite toys,

about what you love to eat, or how many naps you take a day, but i am not going to. this month i want to tell you how you have changed my heart. 

baby girl, from  the moment i knew you were living inside of me i wanted you. i had desired to feel a love for you that was so strong that it hurt. a love that welled up in my heart and made me want to squish you and giggle with you all day long. this month that happened for me. i can not stand to be away from you. i love you. i love you so deeply that my heart aches when you are sleeping at night and i can not wait to wake up and start a new day with you. 

i think about you constantly. even when i am weary. i get sad when i think of all the days that went by without me thinking about how special those days were. i want to tell every first time mama that i know how hard the first 6 months are. that it is sometimes so terrible and you feel like giving up, but to stop and enjoy that crying baby, or that baby that will only sleep in your arms. enjoy swaddling that newborn, because all to quickly they turn into toddlers and wiggle away when you are changing a diaper. maggie girl, i miss you as a baby. i miss your sweet sugar scented breath, i miss your curled up fisted hands. i miss snuggling you on my chest for hours of sleeping and i miss feeling you close to my body as you slept at night. but girly, i am looking forward to this new stage with a fierce passion. i am looking forward to exploring new things with you, to chasing you around the house & to celebrating your first birthday in just one month.

you really are our sunshine. 

we love you miss pearl.

xo,

mama 

the LORD is good!

i am thanking Jesus for today! in the midst of this crazy season that we are in, he is teaching me and loving me in ways i could have only dreamed. the sun has been shining in seattle for 2 days in a row {praise!} and yesterday it was nearly 60 degrees! maggie and i went for a walk with my mama and brothers, went to ikea and bought shelves for her nursery {which you will be able to see photos of as soon as it is finished. i know, 5 months into her life and the poor girl still doesnt have a beautiful space to call her own.} and then to the fabric store to get some fabric for some buntings i am working on. but the best part was being outside. seeing and feeling the fresh air, introducing the wind and sweet spring smells to my daughter, oh it makes a heart happy! i felt so much joy from the LORD! it suddenly didnt matter that my house was a bit chaotic, or that my baby girl had dried snot in her hair & green goo in her eyes, or that i could barely swallow, this crazy season didn't matter. i just felt so loved by Jesus. i felt so encouraged by his goodness. i felt more alive in him than i have in weeks. and it was a huge blessing!

today, i had a sweet little lady come over and watch maggie while i was able to get things cleaned up. it was another sweet gift from the LORD. like i could not have gotten the things done that i did without her help. it felt so good to check some things off the list. and now i am sitting on the couch, drinking a cup of coffee and eating a chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven, {i dont suppose that those things are very good for my fever or my cold.} while i anticipate the sweet awakening of my daughter who feels the exact same way as i do. but, i'll leave you with this because today it is on my heart::

 

etsy

xo,

a

a sunny sunday.

last night miss maggie decided not to sleep. we were awake alot in the night. nick was so great and stayed up for 3 hours with a whiny baby. its so frustrating when she constantly whines and we dont know why. she wouldnt sleep, she was annoyed being awake. so around 7 we switched shifts and he went to sleep. i got to hold and rock our baby to sleep while watching the sun pour into our apartment. it was such a gift from the LORD because i really needed something to be great full for and he provided right in that moment something to make me see his goodness. nick's favorite singer/songwriter was leading worship at the MHC ballard campus so we decided to go there for church this morning. it was really cool to see a person who's music you listen to and who you have seen in concert sing and raise his hands to worship Jesus. nick was able to go and talk to him after service and meet his sweet little daughter. we are very excited about Easter this year, because he is leading worship then as well. the sermon was exactly what i needed to hear regarding repentance. i dont even mind that we will hear it again next week at our campus, it was that good. 

 while we were at church the little lady started snuggling hardcore with me. when i looked down at her, i could see her nose was full of snot, and other yucky unladylike things. she started coughing and drooling nasty sick drool. she slept the entire time and i soon realized what all the whining was about earlier. our sweet lady baby caught some kind of cold. again. i feel so bad for her. so we decided against going to the market even though it was so beautiful and went out to lunch with friends instead. 

it was a really refreshing day, at least for us. maggie is just super whiny and feeling icky. i have a feeling its going to be another really long night, but i can rejoice in knowing that the LORD will be with us the entire time.

xoxo:: 

a

photo of the week 1.2

i can't believe that an entire week has gone by without me blogging. i have had a lot of things on my mind to blog about, but for some reason i just couldn't figure out how to write this week. this week was a little bit hard. maggie turned 9 weeks old on sunday, and i am thinking that she is going through a growth spurt or something. she has been a little more on the fussy side. plus it was raining a ton this week, and that just makes most people cranky. but today, there was sunshine. (thank you Jesus!) and miss maggie was in a much more pleasent mood!

we have some sweet friends who came down with the flu today. to help them out, maggie and i took their sweet daughter to the park. today was maggie's first trip to the park! she was so good and loved staring at all the new things. so here is a photo of her all snuggled in the moby wrap, and me.. wearing sunglasses in january. 

happiest wednesday!

sunshine in november. vol. 2

i am sitting here, snuggled in my apartment, sipping on some yummy cranberry cider. my sweet husband and daughter are napping. it is a beautiful thing. i have time to finish my story!

so.

they confirmed labor. i think that was around 11 in the morning. we were admitted and my amazing mama was with us as we went to our delivery room! i had to walk there, and i was in tons of pain - - the pain meds i had been taking had almost worn off by then. i couldn't believe that we were having our sweet little girl... that she was really coming! OH i forgot to mention one of the ways that Jesus is so awesome! the sweet amazing doctor that we talked to on the phone the night before, was the same doctor that would deliver miss maggie! Jesus was so gracious and kind to give me her, seeing as she calmed all my fears before. Anyways, they checked me a million times and poked me with needles. i waited to get my epidural, i wanted to see how long i could go without one. at around 1pm i decided that the body shaking pain was enough and had them give me the epidural. which i think means i made it nearly 7 hours without one. meanwhile my sweet, wonderful husband was by my side, reading me bible verses to calm me down and to help me meditate on what the Word said. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 that was my labor verse. i could not have gone through labor without hearing and praying that verse.  

after i was dilated to a 5 for like 2 hours they finally gave me pitocin to help speed things up. and it totally did. they gave me the lowest amount they could for an hour and i had started dilating much more quickly. out in the waiting room we had our sweet friends, Justin and Heidi and their son, Dylan, our good friend Jon, and my family. i was visited by all of them, and also by my grandma and my aunt margaret, and my aunt lana. it was nice to see people considering we had been there for so so long. they broke my water and discovered that miss maggie had meconium in my amniotic fluid. which meant that the NICU nurses would be in our room to suck out her lungs as soon as she was born.  by about 8 they said that i was dialated to an 8 and so we called my sweet, lovely friend Kara who was taking photographs right after birth for us. she got there and i was at a 9. she read to me out of the bible, held my hand, and just encouraged me. the LORD had blessed me with all the right people there. it was awesome. 

 and then things got a little bit stressful. 

i started pushing at 10pm. 

yeah. got there at 6:30am and didnt start pushing until 10pm.

it was a long day. with no food, no water. just ice chips and an iv to stay hydrated.

i went into pushing really exhausted. 

after a small ammount of time, they started gettting worried about miss maggie. her heart rate showed that she was getting a little bit stressed. so the Doctor sat down and had a serious conversation with us about C- section. 

Nick and i prayed and prayed that the LORD would not let that happen. 

they had me wear an oxygen mask and try pushing, every other contraction. which is a really hard thing to do. 

things were getting closer. miss maggie was making her way out... and then our doctor, my sweet sent from the LORD doctor, suddenly had to go. 

she was called to do an emergency C-section. 

God is so, amazing, and good, because what he did next was just what i needed. 

i kept telling nick, "i cant do this anymore." "it is too hard, i am too tired" (its nearly 11pm, or later by this point) i kept talking about the ice cold sprite i was going to drink after... and dreaming of the food i was going to eat. i was getting so physically exhausted. 

the nurse (who happened to be a midwife as well) started helping me push. between her and Nick i made some really good progress. too good. because they started freaking out. they called in a midwife, who's name was amy. my nurse told us that she is much kinder than the doctor delivering our baby, and i said, "well then she must be an angel." and that she was. 

she was incredible. she helped me stay focused. she coached me so lovingly. it was like i had known her my whole life. i love her.  pretty soon i started feeling like i knew this baby was coming. i had to push. i couldn't stop. i was tired. i wasn't pushing well. as it was nearing midnight another doctor came into the room. before i knew it nurses were everywhere, people were talking quickly and i needed to get this baby out! the nurse came over to me and tried intoducing herself. i just told her, "i dont care who you are, just get this baby out of me!" and then amy, my sweeter gift from the LORD, tried to leave. i grabbed her arm and begged her to stay. she was keeping me focused. then, at 12:06 am on november 14 our sweet, beautiful, maggie pearl was born. i looked at my baby, i looked at my husband. and i felt this newness about us. i felt so many emotions. i fell in love with maggie, but before that i fell in love with nick all over again. i saw his face as he looked at his daugher and then at me. i saw his happy tears. and then mine poured from my eyes. our baby was here. that little girl that we prayed for, that we loved, that we read to, that we laughed and dreamt about. she was here. my sunshine came to me that morning. and my relationship with the LORD felt new. everything did. and it still does.

miss Margaret Pearl MacEwen was 6 pounds  13 ounces and 20 inches long. 

her eyes were as bright and big as her mama's, and her chin-- and exact replica of her daddy. 

she is beautiful. 

she is golden.

she is lovely.

she is our sunshine. 

maggie pearl.

** i will post a photo blog about all of this next!** 

xoxo- A

sunshine in november. vol.1

last week was a crazy week. it was full of sunshine. maybe not literal sunshine, but it was full of miss maggie! i have been so busy snuggling and loving on my sweet daughter that i have not had the chance to write. BUT i really want to get the whole birth story down before i forget. becuase right now, i forget alot of things. like paying for my groceries. (which is another story in itself...) 

So. 

on friday november 12, i went to the doctor. it was quite possibly the worst appointment i have ever been to. i was not treated very well, and no one gave me any information, except that i wasn't having a baby that day. or really anytime soon. i left feeling really upset and angry. but not about what you would think. i was not upset that my daughter was not coming, but i was upset about how i was treated. so my husband called the office and we were able to talk to a doctor who was amazing!! she was so sweet and so kind and gave us so much information. i was praising Jesus for this lady! since it was friday, it was our date night so we decided on pizza and a movie. while driving to the pizza place, we were talking and both said how even though that day was hard, we both felt joy. and joy is something we haven't really felt in a long time. like overflowing joy. it was awesome. and thats when it started. 

we got to the pizza place and it was closed. shut down. which was sad because it is the pizza place we went to on the day nick asked me to be his girlfriend. so i was a little sad about that and then it started. all of a sudden i felt really, really crampy. this went on the entire time that we were eating and watching a movie. it continued when we got home and i tossed and turned all night with these "weird annoying cramping pain" ( little did i know those were contractions) the whole night i barely slept and kept thinking about how i was going to go to some craft shows with my mama the next day. then around 4am nick woke up and asked if i was ok. i explained to him my cramping pain and he started timing them. at around 5:30 he suggested that we go to the hospital. and i said no. i didnt want to go and be sent home. i thought for sure that would happen.  i agreed when i got up to go to the bathroom and i could barely walk. we arrived at the hospital around 6:30 in the morning and they confirmed that i was indeed in labor.... 

to be continued, baby lips need kissing...

sunshine.

today there is sunshine. 

a lot of beautiful sunshine. 

i think it would be a good day to meet my daughter. 

but only the LORD knows.

and i love that.

it's like a really fun secret or surprise that you are waiting for, 

on the edge of your seat-- excited and nervous all at the same time

and peaceful. 

i feel like my heart is going to be alright. it's going to be so worth it. 

i have waited a "long" time for this baby, so what if i have to wait a few more days.

ahh... the sweet feeling of trusting in the LORD. 

sunshine. 

she will be full of sunshine.

she will be my sunshine.

she will be nick's sunshine.

and she will be HIS sunshine.

thank you Jesus for this day, no matter what the outcome. 

no matter if i see maggie or not.

doesnt even matter how she gets here, 

as long as she is safe.

thank you so much for the blessing

of a daughter, and a child.

and thank you, for the 

lovely, beautiful, golden 

sunshine.

xoxo- A

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