a honest piece of my heart...

today i am getting away with some ladies from our church. we are going to a womens retreat to learn about biblical womanhood. i am really looking forward to the teaching, but to be honest, i am also scared out of my mind. being around so many ladies terrify me. i get so concerned with what they are thinking, with what i look like, if i brought the right clothes, who likes who more & the constant battle of "her baby is the same age as mine {or younger..} & she looks exactly like she did before she was pregnant." its incredibly obvious that my identity is not 100% set on the LORD. i am so fearful about feeling all these things, that it made me not want to go. which is so silly because i know that i'll learn so much this weekend, & so much about my identity as a woman in Christ. these are struggles that i have had for so long, as long as i can remember. & it got me thinking the other day, about maggie. oh how i never want her to struggle with these things. i never want her to feel like i feel when i walk into a room & instantly feel uncomfortable in my own skin. nick pointed out to me a few months ago, that i am the greatest example that our daughter has. & that responsibility has hit like a ton of bricks this past week. i do not want her to think that your identity is about your shoes, or your weight. i want her to think about what Jesus thinks of her. i want her to feel comfortable in a room full of ladies because she loves the LORD & is satisfied of where & how he has her. the only way that she is going to learn those things is through me. so this weekend, my prayer is to give this up to Jesus. to hand over my fear of man & jealousy of others to him. i am so weary from carrying this burden. the reason why i am writing about this, is because i want to bring this struggle into the light. i want to have it 'out there' so that i know that i can not turn back, because i said it somewhere else besides just quietly in my own heart. if i dont put it out there, i usually do nothing about whatever i am dealing with. {which is something else i probably need to work on...} all in all, i am excited to go out of town, to listen to a wise woman speak, to spend time with ladies i have not seen or spent time with in months, to paint my nails, to enjoy the sun, to meet new ladies & to learn all about what Jesus is wanting for me as a lady & hearing from him on this huge issue of my heart.  
so there is a little piece of my heart that i just wanted to share before heading out. i am really looking forward to writing about the things that i am going to learn this weekend & sharing with you what Jesus is doing in my life & the lives of those ladies who i love. 


  1. I hope you ended up having a fabulous, freeing time, focusing on Christ!

  2. know we don't know each other well anymore, but from what I can tell you've become an amazing woman. I true friend/ good woman would never judge you on what you're wearing and how fast you slim down your post baby body. If someone is judging you based on those qualities, they are missing the point. I will say though that I've gotten quite down on myself on the regular as well, and working out (especially regularly) makes me feel SO good. Once you're a stay at home mama you should find ways to get some physical activity, because it's also important to teach your precious baby girl to take good care of her body. I really appreciated this post, as I think many women feel the same way, baby or not and it always makes me feel more normal knowing other people are feeling the same way as me.(excuse my novel)


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