lessons in mamahood...

last night, i was rocking our sweet little baby to sleep. 
as i was holding her so close in my arms, with her head on my chest i was thanking Jesus for the sweetheart that she is. 
my baby bird is such a lovely girl. at almost 2 months old, its hard to imagine my life without her. maggie is sweet, she is by nature a sweet, loving, snuggle baby. 
she is smiling so much! and things are making her "laugh".
she loves to be called "pretty" and doesn't like her daddy to leave her side. 
i love to watch her in her sleep because she makes the best faces. 
her lips and her cheeks are so delicious.
the LORD has truly, truly blessed us. baby bird is silly. 
she laughs at a silly toy bunny that we now call "funny bunny".
she stares wide eyed at her butterfly toys. she is full of wonder. 
i love that everything is new to her. i love that just by simply calling her "beauty" she smiles.
she is a girl, a little woman. all the things that my heart yearns for, hers does too.
its so awesome to see how Jesus created us all to desire the same things.
we all want to be loved. to feel safe. to be valued and beautiful. 
i sometimes most of the time, forget that i am 
always eternally loved, safe, valued and beautiful. 
it is something the LORD is teaching me through my daughter. i love his grace. 

so, we are sitting in bed, maggie, asleep on my chest with her fingers delicately wrapped around my "maggie pearl" necklace. she is stunning. nicky and i start talking about how great she is and i remind him of how just 2 weeks ago i didnt think that. 2 weeks ago i felt insane. i didnt feel like i could or like i wanted to be a mama anymore. i felt empty and i felt numb. i would get so worn out and frustrated by the little things that she did, like not latching on well to eat, or crying for no real reason, or wanting to be held the entire time she falls asleep and then some. i felt consumed by mamahood and thought i would never get a break. i spent a long ride home from my grandma's house asking Jesus for grace, strength and a new love for my baby girl. the entire time i was praying, baby bird was screaming, for 30 mins, in the car, i could do nothing. i came home and nicky took her and calmed her down. i continued to seek the LORD. i can see how that day he changed my heart. last night, i started talking to my wonderful husband about how the LORD has revealed to me that the tiny girl asleep on my chest will not always be. someday this precious lady will want to sleep in her own bed. someday she wont want me to dress her anymore. someday she wont snuggle with me for hours. and someday her tiny fingers will not be holding onto my necklace while she is sweetly sleeps. i need to cherish these moments rather than wish them away. its convicting for sure. lately she doesnt fall asleep unless i hold her. honestly, its something that easily frustrates me. because i can not get anything done. (i even typed a small bit of this post 1 handed...) but i realized that she loves it so much because she is in the arms of the woman who loves her the most in the whole world. she is where she feels safest, and most loved. that is how i like to sleep, and when i do i feel so warm in my heart. when i started thinking of it that way, having her sweaty little body on mine made me love it with an intense love. how could she sleep anywhere else? this is her safe place. i want to cry when i think that someday, really soon, she wont need to sleep on me anymore. she wont need me the way that i want her too. but the LORD is still good. because he is allowing me to love it and cherish these moments and treasure them in my heart, so when they are gone i can look back and not feel like i missed out. i love how HE uses mamahood to refine my heart. being a mama is hard work. everyday is hard. like really, really hard. but because i can find strength from the LORD its good work, really good  hard work. and i like it. 

our little sunshine, is so beautiful, so sweet, so charming, so full of wonder and so bright. she is such a little women and such a little love. i am thankful that Jesus entrusted this little bird to us. i love her so. 

xoxo: a
be still my heart.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful, beautiful post, Ally! I sat here crying as I read it.
    Cherish every moment of these early days. They really do go by so fast and you can never get them back again, with that one child.
    In many ways (and I know this might amaze you right now) Jason and I look back to the 1st 6 months as "the easy months" - you'll understand later :)

    God bless you!


please say hello & leave your sweet thoughts!