four.

 

i know. you are all amazed at the amazing hair on the man in the photo. i also know that if you have been reading my blog for awhile, you will know that i posted about our engagement last year. i would honestly love to post all about that day again, but lets face it, who really wants to read someone elses sappy love story over, and over again? 

what i am here to talk about is how the past 4 years have changed me, and the love i have for that bearded man with the long flowing hair. 

11.08.08

  look at us in that photo.  its almost like there are literal hearts coming out of my eyes. {and this was before he even proposed.} take a good look at my smile, and the smile on nicks face. take a good look at how tightly we are holding each other. if i am real and honest, i havent seen a picture of us THAT happy in a while. the past 4 years have not been cake for us. in fact, they have been the opposite. they have been HARD. and LONG. and sometimes, they have SUCKED. when i look at this couple, i think " they had no idea what was in store for them, they just knew that God wanted them to walk the rest of their lives together" that couple up there had no worries about money. they didnt fight over dirty dishes and unmet needs. they certainly didnt expect to have walked through a dark season of depression. that couple didnt know what real, honest, love looked like. they were just happy and carefree. and sometimes, i wanna be that couple again.

but the truth is, i am kinda glad that we are not that couple. 

i am thankful for the hardship, the trials, and the joy that the last 4 years has brought us. i am thankful for all the growing up we have done. i am thankful that 4 years later he still wants to hold my hand. 

the past 2 years have really taken a toll on our young marriage.

and very recently i have started to really, deeply fall in love with my husband again. i find myself smiling when he walks in a room. i find myself giggling more often at the things that he says or does. and i find it a little bit easier to follow him as he leads our family. i know that this is all because of the person and work of Jesus and how we are allowing him to transform our relationship. i am looking forward to what life is going to look like with this man, instead of dwelling on the past and how fun it used to be. 

4 years ago i had no idea how marriage worked. i mean, if you would have asked me then, i would have told you exactly how it was going to work. {but i was also 20 and like most 20 year olds, i thought i knew everything. ha ha.}

i am still not claiming to be an expert or anything, but i feel like as we celebrate this 4 year anniversary of me freakingout and saying yes in a forest, that i am starting to get it. i am starting to understand what i signed up for. what i said "yes" to. and i am pretty sure that i am more excited now than that girl in the photo. 

happy engagement day, sweet wonderful husband man. i love you. i am thankful for you. thank you for loving Jesus first and me second. thank you for leading us for 4 years. thank you for always holding my hand and loving the heck out of me, even when i am unlovable. thank you for asking me to be your wife. now, lets go buy a dress! :)