Open Your Bible.

Seattle has missed the " its fall!" memo.
with the exception of fall germs. 

literally 2 days into preschool maggie woke up all congested.

then she gave it to me.
which is so fun when you are pregnant.
(dreaming of all the nyquil!!!!!)
turns out after a week of junk we took her in and SURPRISE

totally out of control double ear infection. respiratory infection.
womp womp.
we have been getting those pink antibiotics in her system and she is doing much better.

but can anyone please explain to me why they dont make childrens medication in dissolvable tablets?!?! someone get on that invention, quick!

Anyways, i have been dreaming of fall for WEEKS.

im ready to put away the shorts and replace them with leggings and sweaters.

i even made soup this weekend for dinner even thought it was like 85 degrees.

summer, i am officially over you.

this fall is going to be an interesting one for us.

our life looks different, much more busy than i would like.

we have school, and we are watching a sweet little boy 1 day a week, and i work on fridays.

we have Awana of thursdays. 

I have chiropractor appointments 3 days a week.
(my neck and back are so messed up!)
and i somehow need to find time to grocery shop and clean.

i am nervous.

i dont like to be this busy, it makes me stressed out. 

every day on our calendar has writing scribbled on it. 

when i get stressed like this i tend to not make time for Jesus, 

and run to my idol of spending money. 

its an ugly idol.

and one that i literally cant afford to have anymore.

i have found myself in a place of discontentment.

i am angry about the sick germs, and anxious about the flu season.

i am angry that none of my clothes fit.

i am dissatisfied with the maternity clothes that have been generously handed down to me.

i am angry that maternity clothes are ugly and not very affordable. even the ones that people say are 'affordable' are out of my price range.
i am annoyed that my body is gaining weight and stretching and i dont feel very cute. 

i am struggling with keeping my house clean and my head above water with all that we have going on.

i am emotional about some big life changes that are happening (that i cant talk about yet, which is also making me grumpy)

and i have no real joy.

with lots to be joyful about, that fact is concerning. 

i haven't opened my Bible in a few weeks and i am scared too do so, because i know that the conviction for all this discontentment will hit and i dont want to deal with it.

but.

Jesus is so gracious. 

this week i am starting the SheReadsTruth plan called, "Open your Bible" 

which is perfect timing, because YES ALLY OPEN THE BIBLE. 

i know i need Jesus and His words more than clearance tank tops at old navy.

more than coffee and treats.

more than Maggie needs another handful of hair clips and princess dolls.

i am eager to start this study, eager to open my Bible to hear what Jesus wants to tell me.

eager and afraid.

brave and needy, Ally. Brave and Needy.

Jesus wants me to come to him just like that. 

He wants me to come to him not brave and stubborn too.

and I am coming to Him brave and stubborn, needy and afraid. 

this fall is not going to be an easy transition.

i mean, it could be. but not with the current state of my heart.

i do know, that no matter what - Jesus promises to take these ashes, this broken and messy heart and somehow make something so beautiful. i am ready to see what He is going to do.

i'd love your prayers, encouragement and advice as we navigate these new waters. 

i am looking forward to being more vulnerable on this space,  looking forward to sharing more. 

I've got some really beautiful things coming this way in a few weeks, so stick around. 

its about it get so good.