im really big on milestones. i love to celebrate anniversaries, i remember special dates and most of the time i recall every detail down to my exact outfit. i have always been that way. but this year it feels different. i seem to be extra emotional about these milestones.
was it really 4 years ago that God placed this apartment that we currently live in right in our lap?
i mean, we didnt know our lease was up on our last apartment, and we hated it there. ( like a family of 7 loud people who didnt speak english but spoke very loudly and sounded like they were building an ark lived above us, plus there was mold.) but we randomly found a bigger place, with beautiful high ceilings and 2 bedrooms and it was cheaper than out last place. only God could do that. i remember as we walked up the 3 flights of stairs to apartment F 321 i knew this is where God wanted us to live. there was joy in my heart and 3-21 is when we got married just 11 months prior so i knew it was meant to be. i remember feeling like we were so rich and fancy in our huge apartment (100sqft) and had big plans to make this place a home. we signed a year long lease and i couldnt have been happier.
my husband will read that paragraph and have a very confused look on his face. because for the last oh, 2 years i have done nothing but complain about how much i hate it here. its not a house, i cant paint the walls, its too small, the carpet is old, i hate climbing up 3 flights of stairs with a toddler. any complaint in the book and i have it about our home. its not what i had dreamed.
funny that 4 short years ago it made me feel fancy and at home, and now my discontented heart wants to leave this place as soon as i can.
i feel emotional about this apartment, because its not what i had planned. but God knew. its no surprise to Him that 4 years ago when we turned the key into the lock for the first time that we would still be doing that very same thing 4 years later. "be thankful in all circumstances" runs through my mind everytime i think about this place that we call home. its what we can afford for now, its not my dream home, there is no place for my daughter to play outside, but its warm, and it provides shelter and some of my favorite memories are etched in these walls, my tears from the hardest seasons of my life have fallen on this carpet, so much grace has been given inside of this small home.
4 years ago last week i had that feeling.
my husband will read that paragraph and have a very confused look on his face. because for the last oh, 2 years i have done nothing but complain about how much i hate it here. its not a house, i cant paint the walls, its too small, the carpet is old, i hate climbing up 3 flights of stairs with a toddler. any complaint in the book and i have it about our home. its not what i had dreamed.
funny that 4 short years ago it made me feel fancy and at home, and now my discontented heart wants to leave this place as soon as i can.
i feel emotional about this apartment, because its not what i had planned. but God knew. its no surprise to Him that 4 years ago when we turned the key into the lock for the first time that we would still be doing that very same thing 4 years later. "be thankful in all circumstances" runs through my mind everytime i think about this place that we call home. its what we can afford for now, its not my dream home, there is no place for my daughter to play outside, but its warm, and it provides shelter and some of my favorite memories are etched in these walls, my tears from the hardest seasons of my life have fallen on this carpet, so much grace has been given inside of this small home.
4 years ago last week i had that feeling.
i walked into the bathroom of this brand new apartment and peed on that stick.
praying and praying for 2 pink lines, like i had been every month for the last 3 months.
4 years ago last week they showed up. and in that instant i became a mother.
this apartment has been here in the long hard days of my first trimester. walking up and down those 3 flights of stairs every morning 9 months made me exhausted and exhilarated to meet the baby i was carrying. right outside our building is where i fell flat on my giant pregnant tummy and had to go to the hospital with much to early contractions. inside that second bedroom that we were so blessed with is where we made a room for our little baby girl. that early morning in november when i could barely waddle my 7 days overdue body down 3 flights of stairs during contractions, and then 3 days later when we drove up to our home and brought our baby inside. i would have never imagined that all this would happen in this apartment.
if the walls in this apartment could talk they would tell stories of a mama struggling with PostPartum Depression, stories of a marriage that was new and fresh and falling apart, stories of a little girls first steps and the stains of the carpet are from her spilled smoothies and the bubbles we joyfully blew indoors just to see her face light up. they would tell you stories of redemption and grace. they hold the deep secret parts of the last 4 years - those parts of your life that only the walls see. they would show you dance parties and game nights with friends, they would show you endless nights of staying up way to late watching tv together. it is here in these walls that i became mother, and grew into my role as wife.
it might seem silly to feel so sentimental about a place, but when your whole life - the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly are lived inside of 4 walls, the thought of leaving this place someday makes me sad and excited.
someday there will be new walls, new rooms to hold new memories.
but until that day i am going to try my hardest to be thankful and content with this place that Jesus has given us to live out His story for our lives.
4 years ago last week they showed up. and in that instant i became a mother.
this apartment has been here in the long hard days of my first trimester. walking up and down those 3 flights of stairs every morning 9 months made me exhausted and exhilarated to meet the baby i was carrying. right outside our building is where i fell flat on my giant pregnant tummy and had to go to the hospital with much to early contractions. inside that second bedroom that we were so blessed with is where we made a room for our little baby girl. that early morning in november when i could barely waddle my 7 days overdue body down 3 flights of stairs during contractions, and then 3 days later when we drove up to our home and brought our baby inside. i would have never imagined that all this would happen in this apartment.
if the walls in this apartment could talk they would tell stories of a mama struggling with PostPartum Depression, stories of a marriage that was new and fresh and falling apart, stories of a little girls first steps and the stains of the carpet are from her spilled smoothies and the bubbles we joyfully blew indoors just to see her face light up. they would tell you stories of redemption and grace. they hold the deep secret parts of the last 4 years - those parts of your life that only the walls see. they would show you dance parties and game nights with friends, they would show you endless nights of staying up way to late watching tv together. it is here in these walls that i became mother, and grew into my role as wife.
it might seem silly to feel so sentimental about a place, but when your whole life - the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly are lived inside of 4 walls, the thought of leaving this place someday makes me sad and excited.
someday there will be new walls, new rooms to hold new memories.
but until that day i am going to try my hardest to be thankful and content with this place that Jesus has given us to live out His story for our lives.
100 sq ft?! (jk, i know what you meant)
ReplyDeletei love this whole thing. and i really love that picture.
i just calculated, and i have moved 9 times since 2009. new places are fun, but it's so great that you have spent so much time here and have created so many memories in your home. even if it's not the home you want, it's been your home for years, and it's where you family started! so cherish those memories while you can!
It's not silly at all to be sentimental about a place!! Our homes are a part of us, regardless of how long we've lived in them. They hold memories.
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