honey and vinegar

fall is here.
its rainy and stormy out today.
my house is freezing. 
my throat is sore. 
i am wrapped in a huge blanket 
and drinking the hottest cider i can handle.

the other night i sat down with nick and we started talking.
i suddenly had this huge urge to apologize.
{thanks holy spirit!} 
i have been ugly lately.
just crabby.
it dripped off of every single word that i spoke to to him.
i didnt mean for it too. most of the time i was not even angry or annoyed. it just came out that way. 

i have been saying {wrote a bit about it in my last post} that i have been having a little huge pity party for myself recently. in that pity party i have been really been acting selfish and prideful and kind nasty to people around me. that sometimes, things that i would say would come out like fiery arrows. i have just allowed my heart to fill up with yuck. 
i didnt open my bible for a week. 
i stoped putting good things in, and so all that was coming out was garbage. its was ugly.

as nick and i were talking, he reminded me of this verse,

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it was heavy with conviction, because it has been so true. my heart has been filled with such discontentment, such selfishness, and such pride that it has been bubbling out of my mouth. 
i need more truth, more encouragement, more joy, more Jesus so that the things that come out of my mouth are more like drops of honey and less like drops of vinegar. 


i humbly asked my husband to forgive me and he did.
i asked Jesus to forgive me and he did.
repentance for me looks like spending time in the word, daily. 
so, this morning i got up, poured myself a cup of coffee and opened my bible. my journal was exactly where i left it the last time i opened my bible. i said a quick prayer and started reading the book of philippians. i immediately felt a rush of joy to just be in the word again. i also felt convicted about how i have not been encouraging to those around me, even in the midst of my hard time. in the devotional i read, there was a sort of charge, to write someone a big picture encouragement letter - and it felt so right in my heart, that is a starting point for me, to be able to send some sweet ladies words of encouragement, to stop focusing on myself and start focusing on some beautiful ladies in my life. 

so, thats what i am going to do. i am going to start cleaning out the yuck that is in my heart, and focus on encouraging those around me, instead of dwelling on my own selfishness. i am going to put my favorite verse back up on my wall

 

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to start meditating on these things again, instead of the garbage that i have been dwelling and filling my heart with.

today i am taking out the trash in my heart, and putting up pretty new wallpaper and hanging some beautiful art.
 

ps. this is a silly request, but i jumped on the bandwagon and created a facebook page for my little internet space, if you are a reader would you please head over and "like" it. i would love to have another place to connect with you all!