this morning has been filled with giggles and squeals of delight.
playing with my lady baby is such a blessing.
seeing her grow up is so beautiful.
and scary.
how and when did she get so big?!
i can not believe that my little lady doesnt always want to be swaddled and snuggled for hours. she has more energy and less desire to sleep in my arms or on my chest for hours. it is amazing and beautiful, and bittersweet. i love it.
being a mama is not what i thought it was going to be. it is actually much harder than i thought. there was a time during the last 4 and a half months that i wanted to give up. i wanted to quit. i didnt want to do this "mama" thing anymore. it was hard. just thinking about those times makes me sad. i couldnt see a way out, it seemed like all my days {for the rest of my life} were to be filled with a screaming, inconsolable, fussy baby. this mama was tired. i was so overly tired that i could have slept for a month.
oh, but the LORD is good. he is so good. his love endures forever. he poured so much grace and mercy out on me during that time. he gave me strength to get through. he carried my tired, sleepy, heavy burdened body though that month of {what felt like} hell. i know that without him i would not have made it through. he sent beautiful more experienced mama's into my life to encourage me, to help me, to speak wisdom and truth into my life. he continued to bestow gifts on me in my time of desperate need. he loved me like no one else has, and he is the reason i can say that playing and snuggling with my daughter is a joy and a blessing. even now as she fusses on the couch while i type this, my heart is overflowing with love for her. it is all because of the LORD. i am so thankful that i know him, so thankful that i trust him. i desire to share more of him with you. i desire to learn more about him and share what i learn with you all. it is my hope that through this blog you will be able to see my love for Christ, his love for me,{and for you.} i desire to share deep parts of my heart, to try and make sense of the crazyness inside of my head and my heart. i want to show you pieces of my family, the joys and hardships of marriage and mamahood. i want to show you how we are trusting in the LORD to lead us in this life. i want to be friends, i want you to feel like you can know me. even if we are 1,000 miles apart. i feel like the LORD has given us each a story, and it is not our story but his story... and i just want this blog to be a space where i can share that.
looking forward to knowing you more!
xo,
a
Ally - you have NO idea what a huge encouragement this is to me. I am not a mamma, and probably won't be for a while, but have felt a lot of the same "quitting" and "this is hell" feelings lately and it is so important to be reminded that God is good and He will get us through anything and everything. Thank you for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteoh meghan! i am so glad that Jesus used this to encourage you! i really hope to see you guys again at church, but i think we go to different services. i'll be praying for you, let me know if you need anything else!
ReplyDeletexo,
a
Loved this post, Ally. The realness and openness is going to be so encouraging for the new mommies out there. I remember when Ethan was a baby {and he wasn't very fussy and was typically happy as long as he was fed, changed and being held!} where I Just felt like I was never going to get out of that "rut" of diapers, newness, feeling like I knew nothing, realizing I had a TON of learning to do, feeling like there were too many books to read and not enough time. The worst part was, when I would go to older women for help, I was pretty much told I WAS a failure! They would tell me things like "I don't know anyone who struggles like that, maybe you need to pray more." Not what a new Mama needs to hear ;-)
ReplyDeleteGod blessed me with very sweet, encouraging friends when I was pregnant with Kara and boy, was my experience with her much better. Here's a good example, I was able to nurse Kara for almost 1 whole year and never made it past 4 months with E&R. I believe a lot of that was due to me just learning and my body learning, but also due to the encouragement and wide range of help I received. God IS good! I loved this post.
Hi -- I am a new follower (: This post is amazing! I do this every single day in my heart!! Wanting to give up and then turning back to God in desperation -- it is SO great to know Him isn't it? I could never do it without Him. (:
ReplyDeletewww.sandretzky.blogspot.com