we are having a baby!!

in may i shared about our struggle to grow our family.
it was a sweet month, filled with lots of encouragement from so many ladies, and i suddenly felt less alone in my struggle, and more hopeful in the fact that Jesus has the whole thing under control.
2 friends announced their pregnancies and i actually felt pure joy for them - something i hadn't felt in a long time.
another lady said to me, "you seem more hopeful. not hopeful in circumstances, but hopeful in the Lord" and in June i just felt hope.

it was a thursday. i woke up and felt different, like i had butterflies. i thought it must be because i was rushing around trying to get a birthday gift, and to a lunchtime birthday party with Maggie and it was hot out and i was freaking out about having to be around other mamas who i didnt know. i loaded my girl into the car, drove to the craft store to get a birthday gift and then to the dollar store for wrapping. i knew that i was going to buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store. i was late, but im always late, so i didn't want to take a test and be let down, but there was this sweet peace in me that said, " i'll be right here" so grabbed the wrapping paper and 2 pregnancy tests from the dollar tree. (so classy, i know) 
i drove anxiously to starbucks, i had no real intention of taking the test until Nick got home from work. as circumstances would have it, i had a sterile cup in my car (from a urine sample maggie had to give a few weeks prior - the urgent care sent me home with extra in case i needed to bring in more for testing. so random) so i threw it in my purse along with a pregnancy test, just in case i changed my mind.
maggie got chocolate milk and i got a huge ice water. i sat down and the manager said to me, "so, when are you going to have another?!" and i smiled. i think i already knew.

Maggie had to go potty so i went with her. i was shaking , i had to know. i couldnt wait. while maggie chatted to me outside the bathroom stall ( i locked the main door to the bathroom so she wouldn't escape) i quickly opened the test and took it. i felt so silly taking a dollar store pregnancy test in the starbucks bathroom while my 3 year old kept asking me why i was taking so long to pee. i couldn't look at the test, in case the answer was no, and someone was knocking on the bathroom door so i wrapped it up in maggies jacket and threw the rest of the cup and package in my bag. ive never been more nervous in my life. Maggie and I walked out to the car and i couldn't handle the suspense. (i am not a patient person)
i looked down into the wadded up jacket and i saw it. i couldnt believe it. there were 2 precious pink lines! 

immediately i burst into laughter. straight up giggles. Maggie started laughing too and as i was buckling her in her carseat she asked what was so funny. i looked my precious girl in the eyes and told her that i was laughing because i was so happy. so happy that Jesus had answered our prayers and put a baby in my tummy. she smiled, kissed me and went on like nothing was new. its my very favorite that i told her first. that my best girl was the first to know that our baby was coming.
i drove to the birthday party with my baby girl in the backseat and my baby in my belly. i'll never forget the JOY i felt in that moment.

that afternoon i made a shirt out of puffy paint that said "BIG SISTER" on it and threw it on mags just before Nick came home. i had managed to go the entire day without telling him anything (thats a miracle) He was shocked, and so excited. He actually said to me, " whose shirt is she borrowing?" and it was the best to tell him that i had made it for her.

The Lord has been so faithful.
i sometimes am in awe when i look at my belly thats already showing signs of life, and think
that it was in His sweet timing that this baby was made. He knew all along. He heard all my cries, all my frustrations, all my anger, all my sadness and He gave me my answer when He knew it would be best.
I did not expect this baby, but i expected to have hope and faith in the Lord, that i could get through whatever He would give me that month.
His timing is sweet, a new little love due during my favorite month, February. A little baby coming in the month of love. its a gift that He timed to perfectly for my heart.  
we are so grateful.

i have loved seeing how my closest friends have rejoiced over this baby with us.
my sweet, incredibly talented friend, Lizzy made this darling graphic for our Facebook announcement. I cant wait to print it and put it in a frame in our house, its kind of my favorite and in the days before we told everyone (we told really early) i would stare at it and hardly believe it to be true.

thank you Jesus for this baby, this blessing, this gift.

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