>>> potty talk <<<

 right after maggie turned 2 in november, she started asking about going potty on the toilet. i pushed it aside, because she was only just 2 years old and didnt think that she was ready. she asked more and more and was able to tell me when she had a wet diaper, when she needed a change & didnt seem scared of the potty at all. it was december and i decided that i wanted to wait until january to start anything, since we were planning on being home a lot then and didnt need to worry about accidents at holiday parties & such. 

we talked about the potty a lot. we looked at panties everytime we went to target and talked about giving her diapers away to her 2nd cousin {Who is only a few months old}. she seemed ready, she seemed excited and so was i. {i mean, getting rid of diapers by age 2 would be amazing!} but there was this small voice inside of me telling me that she was not really ready. i wanted to give it a fair shot, give her the chance, and see where we would end up.

i talked to a few other mamas, and decided that i was going to try it for 3 straight days and see how she did. i had hope that she would figure it out quickly. but i was not going to push her if she was not ready.

i am not a very patient person, which is part of the reason why mamahood has been such a struggle for me. i get easily annoyed when things dont go fast enough, or the way i had imagined. Jesus has been using these past 2 years to sanctify me in those areas. i am hardly near perfect, but i have seen a huge improvement in the past few months. the idea of potty training my passionate 2 year old seemed terrifying to me. was she ready? was i ready? would i ruin this for her by getting frustrated and cranky? 
i sent an email to a few ladies on sunday night asking for prayer for my heart and i prayed that night that Jesus would help me to be patient and to know and expect lots of accidents, no 'me time' and countless trips to the potty. He totally answered that prayer.

maggie woke up monday morning, i took off her diaper and told her it was the last one. we put on a cute pair of flower panties and i told her that if she had to go potty to tell mama. i filled up her juice cup and we had a breakfast picnic in the living room. she had 2 accidents in the first hour. after that, i decided that we were going to just stay naked and go sit on the potty every 10 minutes. she sat on her little potty chair and went. i got so excited for her, promised her treats and all she did was cry. she cried and said, " oh nooo i peed! " over and over. it was the saddest thing ever. she had a lot of success on monday - going potty in the toilet at least 5 times, only 5 accidents {and one was totally my fault because i was checking my facebook...mom fail.} but, still she cried each time, not at all happy about what she was doing. i went to bed so confused and prayed that Jesus would give me wisdom on what to do.

tuesday morning she got up, put on panties. i gave her tons of water, and from the time that she woke up around 8am until i put her down for a nap at 12 she did not go once. no accidents, no potty in the toilet. i put a diaper on her for nap and she slept for about 2 hours and woke up with a wet diaper. {i figured she would} and we put panties on again and gave her more water, put her on the potty at least 25 times that day - nothing. by about 3pm she was getting very cranky. throwing HUGE tantrums. hitting, pushing, tossing toys, slamming her head against the wall. very aggressive abnormal behavior. i could not figure it out, and so i prayed for wisdom. i knew i had to put her in a diaper. i knew the reason she was crying and acting out was because she had to go potty so badly, but she was to scared of going without a diaper. i put one on her and she cried, and looked like she was doing something wrong while she told me she went potty. i knew right then that this was emotionally too much for her. i held her and encouraged her that she was still a big girl, even though she was not ready to go in the potty. her sweet, giggly, happy personality came back after a bit. i knew then that i was making the right choice by quiting, and trying again later. 


that night i was getting in the shower, and i heard it for the first time - those lies. "your daughter is a failure. you know lots of kids her age and younger who can do this. its your fault. she is so behind. people are going to say,"told you so" because no one thought that you could do it." 

i immediately shut them all down with the truth. that she is none of those things, that i am none of those things. that she is wonderful and healthy and someday she will be potty trained, but that day is not today. and that is okay. because sometimes loving you child is knowing when not to push them too far. sometimes loving your child is knowing when to stop and let them still be little for a while longer. sometimes loving your child is making them feel comfortable even when it is uncomfortable for you. 

today, i think that maggie made a ton of success. she knows when she is going potty, she knows what the sensation of having to go feels yet - and right now its scary for her to not have a diaper on. watching her giggle and play and jump and run without being agitated is far more important to me than forcing her to stop wearing her diaper. today, i feel so much more like a mother than i did last week. i listened to my child, i put her before myself and i am proud to say that it was just not her time. we gave it our best shot, and we will try again, and i wont let it get me down if it takes 100 times before we make it. 

xoxo