twenty five

for as long as i can remember i have wanted to be twenty five. as a kid, whenever i was asked "what would be the perfect age?" my answer was always, "twenty five". i always thought it would be perfect because you are right in the middle. still young enough to be considered "young" and old enough to be considered "old". i have been waiting for this day for a very long time.

Source: blogs.babble.com via Darla on Pinterest

  

i have dreamed and imagined this day a thousand times in my mind. what my life would be like? who i would be? what would i be doing? will i have a giant party and wear sparkles from head to toe? 
 if i am honest, i am not really any of those things that i dreamed of.

instead of a small waistline, i have strech marks from growing a baby.
instead of a career as a counselor,{as i always imagined} i am at home raising a little girl.
instead of our own house and traveling the world, i have an apartment and mini trips to portland with my family to look forward too. 

and you know what? 

i wouldnt change any of those things.

at twenty five i am more comfortable in my own skin. i feel less awkward around new situations {still mostly awkward, but less than before} i am more aware of my need for Jesus, and his desire for me. i am more of a "grown up" even when i dont feel like it. i am more excited about little things in life. i am more aware of those around me, and of my struggles with things like selfishness. i am more willing to repent when i am in sin, and more willing to say i am sorry.

 

this year i have seen a lot of changes. i have watched Jesus change my heart in so many areas. i have watched him ask me to give up somethings that i really wanted. i followed in obedience to those things, and have seen why he asked me to do them. i have reconciled a few friendships that were very broken, i have fallen in love with my daughter in a way that i cant even find words to explain. i have been more honest than ever before in my life with where i am hurting and struggling. i have watched Jesus call my husband to something way out of our comfort zone, and am already seeing fruit of that calling. i have had to say goodbye to a few friends, and had the joy of saying hello to some new ones. i have had to learn how to take constructive criticism and not let it hurt {as bad} because i know its for my good. i have had the privilege of sharing my testimony and what God is doing in my life, in our life, multiple times. i have grown in a deeper friendship with my husband, and can truly say that he is my closest, most dear friend these days. i have learned to turn to Jesus in my loneliness and give him all my cares. {not all the time, its always a work in progress}

24 was a year filled with grace. filled to the brim with grace upon grace. filled with joy. filled with laughter. filled with tears and heartache and pain, followed by a longing for heaven, and thankfulness for this life.

as i am staring my dream age in the face, my biggest desire is to throw all expectations that are not on Jesus out the window. i dont want to expect 25 to look, feel, or be a certain way. i want to live in it and let it be what it is. i want to let 25 happen to me instead of me constantly forcing it to be 'perfect'. i want to let myself feel. i want to laugh and play with my girl who is growing up so quickly. i want to cherish, hold and trust my husband who is relying on the Lord to guide him. i want to nurture and grow my friendships, even when they hurt. i want write it all, the whole story that God gives me this year. i want to walk in the light and share my heart. i want to listen to hear what scary or uncertain things God would call me to do and i want to obey - joyfully. 

i am so grateful for another year. 

xoxo