11.28.2012

There is nothing that He can not do.

i am overwhelmed.

maggie is sick (again). 
two days ago i took her to her well baby check. and she was mostly well. she had this nasty cough and runny nose. and was wheezing. her doctor said that it was borderline something to be concered about, but her ears were 'clean' and she had lots of energy so he assumed that she would be getting better in no time. she woke up the next morning and was wheezing more, lots more coughing and my mama gut told me to take her back in. i did. and over night she had developed a double ear infection and the wheezing turned out to be fluid in her lungs and bronchitis.

this sweet girl of mine is always sick. we actually keep track of it on an app in nicks phone. she averages being sick every 45 days {for the past year} which i feel like is an incredible amount. 

i am lonely.

i feel like when you have a little who gets sick all the time you tend to feel isolated. i mean, when you dont have a sick girl, you can do all the playdates, outings and errands that you want. but when you do, no one wants to see you [i understand, i dont want to see people when they have germs either] and you get piercing stares from strangers when your child is hacking up their lungs in the grocery store. but when you literally have NO food and your husband is working late what else are you supposed to do? its so hard to maintain friendships as a mama, and having a constantly sick babe makes it harder.

i feel guilty.

i somehow feel like it is all my fault that she is sick. 
i didnt breastfeed long enough so therefore my daughter has a terrible immune system. 
or
we live in a place that causes our child to get sick.

{those things are both lies.}


but, you know what?

i am loved.
i am valued.
i am worth something.

Jesus has been a constant need and constant friend .
i have been listening to the most annoying kids worship music on repeat. and i am so thankful for that. i get to hear truths like, "this is the day that the Lord has made" or "my God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing my God can not do" and let me tell you, those silly songs are good for my soul. so good. 
i am reminded that there is nothing that Jesus can not do for me. He can provide Joy. He can heal my daughter. He can piece back together my emotionally unstable heart. HE is always there whenever i need him.  He understands that i am lonely. that i am tired, that i am overwhelmed. He can remove that guilt with truth and joy. and He does. All i need to do is ask him. 

i dont write this post as a way to complain about how "hard" my life is, and part of me doesnt even want to post it. but the truth is that i feel like all tired mamas everywhere can benefit from the solid truth that Jesus is bigger than the situation and that He cares for you, even when you get snot on all your clothes and get yelled at by a toddler. even when you have no food and cry in trader joes because your sick toddler wont stop screaming. He CARES FOR YOU, SISTER. every single one of us. no matter how tired we are. no matter if you are filled to overflowing with Joy. He cares for us. He is strong and He is mighty. There is nothing that He can not do.

xoxo
 

3 comments:

  1. Praying for you and Maggie Pearl. I hear you, Sister, I really do. Spent the morning at Urgent Care and the evening crying at Marshall's. Being a mama isn't easy. How blessed we are that we have a God who sees every hidden tear we cry for our sweet children. So blessed.

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  2. i'm so sorry your little one is sick! it's an awful feeling to have a sick kiddo, let alone the lack of sleep (for both of you), add to it being isolated...boo! :( but yes, you are loved and you are not alone and i agree that other mamas in your situation will feel much less lonely reading your heartfelt post. maintaining friendships is SO hard as a mom...it was hardest with my first baby...it seems like adding kids made me think less about some of the friend drama (LOL!) now i cherish a rare coffee date with a true friend who totally "gets" me and knows that even it's coffee once in a great while, we pick up where we left off, knowing we care about each other, but we're busy taking care of our families. my young homebound mamas with little ones have commented that facebook and the blog world have helped them stay connected with other people. hugs!!!!!!

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  3. Hang in there! I remember when Graeme was just over a year it seemed that he was sick almost every other week and every week inbetween, ha! He even landed in the hospital with double pneumonia and RSV. It was awful and in the middle of it, we had some really difficult things said to us about our church nursery. It was a low spot. But God is faithful, just as you've written about, and ever since that winter, Graeme has been super healthy. He must've gotten all of the bugs out that winter.Maybe that's what your little one is doing? I hope so : )

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