some thoughts on parenting - part one.

i mentioned a few posts back that i had the oppurtunity to go to a womens training day at our church. Jesus spoke so much truth to me on that day, and i have been desiring to share all of it, but have not figured out how to get it all into words. today, i think i am ready to share with you what the Lord taught me about parenting, that day.  as i sat down to write this out, i realized there is so much to share with you, that i am going to break it into a 2 part mini blog series.

a very witty and wise woman, jan quick, was the speaker. i sat down next to one of my sweet mama friends, opened my journal and prepared my heart to be open to whatever the Lord wanted to tell me through jan. one of the first things that she said hit me like a ton of bricks. 

there is no such thing as a perfect

childhood. your kids will

be hurt & sinned against.

and often times, it will be by

you.

 it breaks my heart to know that my children, will not have a 'perfect' childhood. it breaks my heart that they will be hurt and sinned against - and that it will be {and has already been} done by me. but you know what else? there was a ton of freedom in hearing that. that i am not failing at this mamahood thing, that there are mamas everywhere who are like me. and then it makes me all the more thankful for grace. the grace in knowing that Jesus died for all those sins and that she doesnt need a perfect childhood, what she needs is Jesus and if i show her Him that will be enough. 

sometimes as a mama, a blogger,and a pinterest user you can feel like you are completely screwing up your child. my 19month old doesn't know her colors, hardly follows directions, doesn't sit still in the cart at target and rarely wants to actually eat anything i put in front of her. she cant tie her shoes, or read. and the only thing she knows what to do with her potty chair is sit and giggle. she bites when she is angry and she whines a lot. i have about 600 pins with charts and ideas on how to change her behavior. i have books about parenting a strong willed child, how to teach your baby sign language to communicate better, and a plethora of other books on parenting. i have been desperately trying to change her. but the problem is, that i have been using all of those things as my savior. "if i just implement this chart with these rules, that i read in that book she will behave, and be advanced for her age." i have put those resources above Jesus, thinking they could 'save' me and give me a more joy filled reaction to mamahood. i have not been going to Jesus, asking him what he would want for my child. how he would give grace for her disobedience and how he would love her no matter what milestone she passes. how would Jesus have me to discipline her naughty, sinful behavior? while there is nothing wrong with those charts and books, for me it was a sin because i was putting them above Jesus, thinking they could save. i should not be trying all those things, or asking other mamas for advice before coming to the feet of Jesus and asking him first. i should be in prayer for my child, for how to parent and raise her. the number one, very best thing we can do for our children is to pray. to have relationship with the father. there is no way that i can be a godly parent if i am not allowing the father to father me. does that make sense? if i am not in relationship with God, how on earth can i show his love to my child and parent the way that he does? now, in hearing this we can get bogged down by the "i am a terrible mother. i lose my temper. i dont show enough grace to my child. i dont have a good, close relationship with my heavenly father." the list could go on. i'll be honest, when i first heard that i did feel a little condemed. becuase truth be told, i lose my temper and forget to show grace to maggie at least 10 times a day. but friends, there is good news! john 17:23 tells us that God the Father loves us the same as he loves Jesus. He is not disappointed in your or my mothering, in fact he calls you his beloved. he delights in us. i have to remind myself of that truth every single day.  the best part? we are free to admit sin with boldness because of Jesus and his saving grace. so, i bodly admit to you all that i am no where near the perfect mama. i lose it daily, i forget to pick up my Bible and sometimes i forget to pray for my daughter. but, i love that it is not dependent on me and what i can do. we can trust and depend on God to pursue our children. a wise mama works with the Lord, He is ultimately the one who calls our children to Him, i am just being used as a vessel to tell them about Jesus and his saving grace. 

stay tuned for part 2!